You are at the right place. Don't show her the books. Those are for you and you only. They will more than likely only upset her if she is set in her mind right now on D.
Couldn't agree more. I actually tried this with my W. I found a wonderful short booklet called "Change of Heart" buried in a download from one of the other on-line Save Your Marriage sites. I actually bought the crud the guy was peddling and I'm now in the middle of trying to get my money back!
This is the place to be - great people and great advice.
Anyway - back to what I was saying.
I printed out two copies, filled in mine and gave both to W. Her response?
"You didn't fill in some of the answers and some of them are lies"
I promise that what I'd filled in was totally correct in my eyes and I'd swear that on a stack of bibles. Not the point - it's my W's perception that counts.
Keep calm, work on yourself and show patience - LOTS of patience. You and the people you touch will see this and it's all very positive stuff.
