Over the Shock and GALing 6

[Thinker]

... but why wouldn't you now go down the Mediation path concurrently with Retro (assuming she might still do it)? There will be nothing binding about either process. She may be swayed to work on herself and your marriage if you do Retro. She may not.

But, in the meanwhile, both you and she could come to a better understanding of what divorce will mean for your family which, in turn, may or may not sway either one of you one way or the other.

Alex,

I've thought about it - and still am. For the first time now, my W and I talked about D today without any real emotions (well, I felt a few twinges, but nothing open between us). We were talking about what it would mean financially, and how we couldn't afford to live where we are or, and how if we continued to live in the high cost area we are it would mean tiny apartments. We also talked about how if we D'd it would mean that we would both be tied to the area where we separate, because it would be difficult for either of us to leave without upsetting the custody agreement (she threw in the "Unless there is sole custody" but I let it go by). I think we can continue to have these discussions without mediation.

My C recommended against it strongly. He said "you may not think it or realize it now, but mediation opens up a whole new range of emotions that you may not be ready to deal with. Don't do it unless you are both REALLY ready to finalize and D.

He's really pushing for "Just hold out, and make it to Retrouvaille"

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Interesting note: I just remembered that my W started the C session today with "Well, I guess things have gotten to the point where they can't get any worse"