Just Keep Livin' #3

[AlexEN]

Hey man.

Just keep doing what you are doing. As far as what the future holds, you don't what will happen. Rather than assume the worst, flip it around. Maybe she won't push selling the house.

Hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

One of my big changes is leaving the pessemist behibd and become an optimist. Coach turned me on to Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman. Check it out.

Another book that's similar to it is "Happier" by Tal Ben-Shahar who teaches a course that references all of Seligman's research.

[givingitmyall]

Yeah, I know.

You can't control it, so let it go. You know the drill.

[JKL2009]

I'm not too worked up about it. We had planned to sell the place this year anyway. I won't mind the $ in the bank once it sells!

[givingitmyall]

We tried selling our's last year. Not one offer. We are in the "sexy" part of town - no jumbo loan mkt.

[JKL2009]

Fascinating, as someone pointed out on this thread before some of the language I hear from my WAW shows she is bring pushed and influenced by her attorney. "She says you are stalling" and "I don't trust you you could still screw me." Frustrating, but whatever.

We just talked on the phone about some of the things we need to do, such as start looking at real estate agents, what to do on some repair stuff on the house, etc. I bring up a few things on the time line or why she didn't tell me she had called an agent to come over Sat. She responds with stuff like "one step at a time, why do you want to know?" Well, I would like to have a say in the matter and I want to maximize our selling price so I want to do some work therefore listing it right now doesn't make sense. Also brought up that I used to call her at 4pm on a Friday to tell her I was going to happy hour as justification to why she could wait a day or 2 to tell me she made an appointment with an agent. WTF? Don't even get that point!

[givingitmyall]

Also brought up that I used to call her at 4pm on a Friday to tell her I was going to happy hour as justification to why she could wait a day or 2 to tell me she made an appointment with an agent. WTF? Don't even get that point!

My guess (and now I'm trying to mind read someone else's W - you will see why in a sec.) is that she was ticked that you did not communicate to her your plans early enough, so now she feels she should be allowed not to communicate her plans to you.

The reason I suggest this is one of the things my W said to me was a similar statement about me having "made my choices" when she referred to my playing golf most Friday afternoons - would get home by 6:30-7:00. My W was pi$$ed I would take time away from the family even though she never said this bothered her, she actively encouraged me to do this, and I played on Fridays so I would not play on a weekend day (taking time away from being with family).

Just keep doign what you are doing. Stay calm and consistent. Her L is telling her exactly what I thought.

[JKL2009]

What an exhausting night. I got home, went for a bike ride, and had dinner cooked before WAW got home (late) with S. I didn't ask why she was late, where she was, just made a little small talk. Did some things around the house, getting it picked up, etc. WAW did most of the stuff with the kid, got him ready for bed.

He was acting up, so she gave him several warning and said "no book" if he didn't listen. He didn't shape up, so she said that's it no books. After getting him in bed, he acted up when she said good night since he didn't get books. She decided to read him one, and I said "thought you said no books; I don't think you should read any."

This casued a major blow up, where I was told I was acting like a jerk critizing her, just like old times, etc. This sort of thing is the biggest challange. I know, this whole night was a script, but it is so rediculous. And of course she just went into the whole "6 years of things, should of did this long ago, etc" script.

It is so hard to hear this stuff when I know I am not a bad person. I just want to be done with it. She wants this, she has got it. She thinks she will be so happy, then so be it. I just want to stop hearing what a bad person I am and how all her friends are not surprised at this, and all the other garbage.

[givingitmyall]

LFH,

I just want to stop hearing what a bad person I am and how all her friends are not surprised at this, and all the other garbage.

Yep. Sounds very familiar.

I understand your frustration and don't blame you. Just don't make any decisions while you are angry. You need a clear head.

Accept it for what it is - script, just script. The fact she is angry could be a good thing. That indicates there is some emotion, and she is at least getting it out.

Hang in there. Just give yourself some time.

[Gardener]

LFH,

I just want to stop hearing what a bad person I am and how all her friends are not surprised at this, and all the other garbage.

I understand your frustration and don't blame you. Just don't make any decisions while you are angry. You need a clear head.

Accept it for what it is - script, just script. The fact she is angry could be a good thing. That indicates there is some emotion, and she is at least getting it out.

Hang in there. Just give yourself some time.

Sorry, LFH

I second gima's wise advice.

Sometimes, just when you get used to walking on eggshells, Spouse replaces them with landmines. Go figure.

[JKL2009]

I know there is this idea that the WAW expressing anger is a good thing, but I question that. Every time I hear her talk and the anger and resentment comes out louder and clearer, it just seems to me she entrenches more in her decision. When she negates any of the positive that has happened in the past 4 months (or 6 years) by saying she was just putting on a good face makes me really question what I am doing.