My Hope Fades....WAW sees no options but D.

[K4D]

You are at the right place. Don't show her the books. Those are for you and you only. They will more than likely only upset her if she is set in her mind right now on D. My sitch is somewhat similar to yours via drinking for years, stopping for a few months, starting back. I finally had to move out into my own apartment and I have been staying sober and will. Me and my W couldn't be further apart than we are right now. Keep working on you and following the advice and doing the 180s.

If she is worried about finances right now, that is a good thing. I say this because it buys you more time to change and prove to her that you are a worthy H and won't drop back into that cycle again. Also go to AA meetings. Not for her, but for you. They can give you great advice on how to cope with things in your life.

And that saying believe nothing that you hear and only 50% of what you see is very true. I would have bet a million dollars my W would never be unfaithful. I would have lost that bet. The 50% I believed was when she was standing in front of me. I could see her standing in front of me. Outside that, there was nothing more to believe.

Its a tough and often long road. Work hard on getting a life, but don't give up on your M. If she ever does file, drag it out as long as you can, but don't tell her you are doing it deliberately. That is your secret to keep to buy you more time if you can afford it. Others might disagree. You might get a second opinion on that one.

None the less it is unfortunate that you are here like the rest of us. But you are in a great site for advice and help. Keep posting and people will respond. Also post to their threads and it will help get them to come to yours.

I wish you the best,

Kevin