Well GB....ultimately all of this is your call. I agree, a vow is a vow no matter what your spouse might be doing now. I am with you on that. The other thing I have with dating right now.....it's sort of mean.....if you think about it, your wife calls you and says let's work on it....what do you tell this other person....?? I would hate to be that other person who may really like you. I will say, in a few cases, dating someone else has worked. But MWD advises against it for a list of reasons and I tend to feel that way too. Your call though.
Contacting her family....Puppy and I disagree on this one for the most part. I would say that I guess it could work if her family is a big part of her life AND her family would sit her down without judgment or embarrassment and help her feel better about working on the marriage. If they aren't going to help you then LEAVE IT ALONE. Your call though.
As far as the no contact....I left my H alone for the first two almost three months of this hell when he was not around I did NOT call him, esp. at night. In the end, and he even said it recently, that was the worst thing I could have done. It just let him feel free to call OW as much as he wanted without one thought about me or one concern about having to hang up with OW because the mother of his child, and yes, his wife was calling. And this is just my experience with it all....again, your call.
