Uhhh...kind of confused. Saw T today. She was an interesting lady. We covered a lot. Her impression of H was that he is a malignant narcissist (woohoo) based on what I told her of course.
Some of her advice threw me off like...tell the kids H is coming back*!? I told her I can't do that because I don't think he is and I don't know that I could take him back.
She suggested that we should spend family time together for the kids sake. I told her right now I just can't because his treatment of me is too much and I get too emotional. That I have been trying for months to do that and I have reached my limit. But, I am going to think about what I am capable of.
She told me that I need to stroke his ego and when I said I've been doing that for months. She asked, "well if you've done all of this, why are you coming to therapy?" I liked the challenge. I said "because I need to be able to take care of myself and my children and stop being all about him." So we went down that road a little.
I liked that she understood the dynamic and his behavior.
She seems to think he is still acting out and from a narcissistic injury (which I suspect was me withholding sex and him feeling rejected)...she does not see him as done and feels I need to be prepared for more acting out.
She said if it were her, she would not allow him to have the kids at all until he seeks help...I have to probe that a little more with her. Not sure if that is within my control.
I liked that she was a little aggressive with me. I can be a bit of a know it all and I need the challenge. She was also very impressed with my ability to separate his sh*t from mine and my awareness of what was happening...
I'm kind of baffled, but we did resolve that my focus is on maintaining my own mental health and vision of myself and I need to take whatever actions support that.
There was more but, I think that's enough for now. I am going back on Monday because I am just confused about so much of what we covered and what actions I am to take. She did not support me filing for D. She thinks that other steps should be taken first and that H should get help too.
Oh, even scarier, when I told her that the only way our R works is if I keep my mouth shut and boost H's ego, she said that is how Rs with narcissists work. Ummm....I don't think I can do that in a M...As you know, I have an opinion and like to talk...
Just dealing with so much money stress and having to communicate with H is hard. I think if I can accept that even under the worst case scenario, I will be ok, I can get through this.
She said D would get very ugly with H.
Oh, and she said if I start working and doing well, he will act out more...fun stuff.
