What a weekend...

[Sara]

MaryEL,

Here is the correct thread in Piecing, I will copy and paste your post here. http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1787474&page=1

I will reply to you on that thread.

[aliveandkicking]

So are you saying there can only be one story? She will tell her story and then you can't have a different opinion. Is that because they are children and children can't understand that there are differences of opinion? Or why can't there be differences of opinion in a divorce?

I'm not saying that at all... To me, NEITHER story explains why we must get a D... And, thus we haven't helped them to make sense of the inexplicable.

Well said. Ultimately they are going to have to "make sense" of it in their own way and in their own time.

[aliveandkicking]

Nothing from the T on this topic...accept that she didn't like that H had told kids when he was originally leaving that "we were arguing all the time" which I knew was a bad move but had to bite my tongue.

Our kids have to deal with the guilty, grasping at straws WASs...not sure what we can do about that.

I've on a couple of occasions slipped up by admitting that this is hard for me too or that I agree that it would be preferable to have our family together (not in those words). Dammit, I'm human.

[AlexEN]

I'm missing something. Why are either of those slip ups? I know my T would not agree that that either of those would constitute a faux pas. If anything, he thinks they should be able to count on someone to be completely honest with them. You need not always offer, but answer all of their questions honestly.

[AlexEN]

So are you saying there can only be one story? She will tell her story and then you can't have a different opinion. Is that because they are children and children can't understand that there are differences of opinion? Or why can't there be differences of opinion in a divorce?

I'm not saying that at all... To me, NEITHER story explains why we must get a D... And, thus we haven't helped them to make sense of the inexplicable.

Well said. Ultimately they are going to have to "make sense" of it in their own way and in their own time.

Yeah, but in the meanwhile, the way they have it make sense is that I must have done something really bad... Ouch... Must have been when I made her get rid of the first secret phone...

[aliveandkicking]

Dude, I am right there with you. I do believe our kids may need some therapy...now and in the future.

[Gypsy]

Hey Alex..

Adults can barely grasp the potential rending of a marriage.

Look at it from a child's (regardless of age) perspective.

Will I lose one of my parents?
Where will I live?
Do I have to choose/take care of/protect mom and/or dad?
If their love went away, does that mean they'll stop loving me, too?
This really really hurts.
Is it my fault?
I hate my mom/dad/parents.
I love my mom/dad/parents.
If I'm really good/really bad will they come back together?
But I really want my family!
Hey, maybe I can get that puppy now!
What's for dinner?
But I don't want to go to bed now.

Different ways of thinking.. one in dealing with your wife, the other with your children. The love of a parent, the confidence a child has in that love is a beautiful thing.

*hugs*

[SmileysPerson]

Excellent point, Gypsy. When her mother told her that her parents' marriage was over, the anguished first words out of my D6's mouth were, "But who's going to feed the dog?"

[AlexEN]

Well said^

Thanks for the ground up perspective!

[mulesqb]

Man, that really MOVED me, Mules. THAT is what it's all about, isn't it???

Hey Puppy - sorry I missed this - Yes it definitely is what you are fighting for. It's hard because you get caught up in your own stuff and the WA's fog. But at the end of the day - you'll be fine. The kids are the MAIN concern. They really are. Unless they get at least one parent focused on just them - they won't be ok. And that's what all of my friends have been talking about. MY STBXW has given everyone the "kids are resilient, they'll be fine" script. That's only true if one parent - preferably the coherent one - dedicates themselves to them. Then yes, I do think the kids have a chance. In my case, I believe the kids will have trust issues for a long, long time when it comes to women.

Strength and Honor.

And a belated Happy B-day!

Mules