Hi Pigskin... I think it's safe to say that while your W might be bringing God into the situation - her faith is not really at issue here - but rather he sense of self and self worth. From what you've described, the OM does seem like he's acting in the role of a predator - listening and pretending to offer what she needs...that said, I think what she's getting from him isn't where you should be putting too much of your thoughts...rather, I think you should see what's been missing in your M - not just in terms of what you've offered your W - but also in terms of yourself.
Remember who you were when your W fell in love with you? There must be something mighty alluring about that Clint Eastwood type...and you just have to find part of that alluring side again.
I also agree that it's extremely important that you set boundaries - and that she know that some actions and words with OM are unacceptable. In my instance I simply had a conversation with my STBX in which I told her that I was concerned about her friendship with her "mentor" (she had already had an affair two years before with another man) - and that if she ever found herself talking about things with him that would embarrass her to have me hear - then chances are she was entering into or already in an EA...As for dealing with the EA/PA, there are two differing philosophies you'll find here - one that encourages you to know what you're up against - the other approach - which you'll find in DB/DR - recommends that you allow the WAS the freedom to travel the journey they must - let go - and focus on yourself...
It seems you already know that there's an EA...but that's where the questions start - some maintain that questioning your W will push her into EA's arms - (smartcooking, who doesn't post much anymore, used to talk about how this happened for her when her H challenged her on her online EA) - while others suggest you get it out in the open - and deal with the EA head on - especially if you know what your deal-breakers are...
I've ended up using both approaches (though not by design) - as I challenged my STBX head-on about the OM the first time around - but decided not to ask her a thing the second time around - and instead focused on myself...getting stronger, getting healthier, untangling myself from what had become an unhealthy relationship for both of us.
