WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 11

[confusedinpa]

All,

I sincerely appreciate and respect everyone for taking the time to offer their thoughts and wisdom in this crazy situation. I know all of here has equally crazy situations going on, which makes it so much more special that you are taking the time to check in on mine.

Even with this madness, the boys and I had a great day. We went to the park and played. Then we went to a baseball field and played baseball. We had lunch at McD's and they had a blast on the climber. I played video games with my 7 year old as my 3 year old took a nap. When he got up, the 3 of us made a birthday cake for me. I set out the water toys and the boys had a blast as it was a beautiful day out. I called a couple of my friends and they joined us for beer and bbq. Great day. The only thing that could have made it better was if my wife was there. She wasn't but I still had a great time.

I am heading down the path of starting the job in less than 2 weeks. I have it worked out where I will have 3 days off each weekend so I can maximize the time with my boys when I am back each week.

The only upsetting part of today was that my wife seemed set to go out on Sat, but last nite she hung out with one of her girlfriends that had started the thought of it's important to do what makes her happy, regardless of the kids. So today, she said that going out on Sat might not be a good idea. I was hurt and upset but just said it's out there so its up to you.

She did text me today happy b'day. But that was about all there was in our interaction. She did tell me yesterday that she wasn't going to be at soccer on Thurs as she had a class that she wanted to take. I told her that it's great the she's getting around to take a class so I was happy for her and left it at that.

I had up and down moments today, but do realize that I will be the best dad that I can be and my boys will appreciate that.

When I tucked my boys in tonite, they asked if mommy was going to take them tomorrow. I told them no. They both cheered "Yeah!!!" and went to bed.

It will be a better day tomorrow....

Thank you all for following my situation.

[Stronger]

And you know what else sucks....as long as we are keeping a list?
The fact that boys don't want to be with her isn't any kind of joy to you. It hurts you and the person who needs to see that reaction to really make the biggest impact probably never will and you CANNOT tell her about that. She'll think you're lying or just won't want to believe it.
Just hang in there CIPA. She's going to get close, then pull back. Get close then pull back. I prefer the tango.....but I'm really good at this one too.
If it makes you feel better my H has had fewer backlashes lately....

[confusedinpa]

Glad to hear your situation is moving along a better path

I'm still at odds with the craziness of my wife. I'm really hurting when I see how my boys are mad/upset and when I see hope fading.

I am very down today as I'm getting closer to the start date of my new job. I will really miss having all this time with my boys.

I did talk to my wife as she called to say hi to the boys. She asked to talk to me about tactical things. She did say she wasn't sure about this Sat as she doesn't want to give me the wrong message but was still thinking about it.

It really sucks......

[MrBond]

C'mon man you're giving her power over your feelings.

"she doesn't want to give me the wrong message but was still thinking"

You shouldn't even push this. You can still salvage your M if you stop giving in to HER wants and HER feelings. You've become very co-dependent upon her.

Stay strong and stop interacting with her. What you're doing isn't working.

[PMA_Baby!]

Yup. ^^^^

Once you stop carrying around her stuff for her she will be forced to deal with it. Speaking of which, with all her weight your carrying you should have the sore back not her. LOL. She should be massaging your back.

[confusedinpa]

Thanks folks

I know this additional "space" will help me detach. I know I haven't been very successful at it up to this point

I told both my boys tonite that when I start my new job I will be back to seeing them just on the weekends. My 3 year old said, that's ok we'll still have fun

You have got to love kids!

[Tomato]

Hi CIPA

Keep up the PMA.

Where is this new job located at again?

[Stronger]

CIPA
Take this job. Enjoy it. Enjoy some space. Your weekends will be full of boy time with boys and you'll be able to concentrate on them.

She will come around. I told you my mother's advice didn't I?

[confusedinpa]

Hi CIPA

Keep up the PMA.

Where is this new job located at again?

My primary office will be about 90 miles north of NYC (near New Paltz). I will have a second operation in northern NJ (about an hour south of my primary office).

I had told them that I will be going back to see my boys every weekend so I will need to leave early on Friday's. The flip side is that during the week, there is no pressing need for me to leave work. They said that there wasn't any reason why I couldn't work in the NJ office on Friday's so I would be about an hour closer as well as leave early enough to pick up the boys for dinner.

So they seem really ready to work with me (for now).

Have you ever been in the New Paltz area? Anyone know what's it like?

[confusedinpa]

I told you my mother's advice didn't I?

I don't recall.... What was your mother's advice?