Over the Shock and GALing 6

[AlexEN]

Recently she has come to "You have been so horrible and I have been so miserable for so long and now it is too late. Too Little too late! "

I heard this almost VERBATIM.

Thinker, I may have missed it, but you've said what you had to say to her, but why wouldn't you now go down the Mediation path concurrently with Retro (assuming she might still do it)? There will be nothing binding about either process. She may be swayed to work on herself and your marriage if you do Retro. She may not.

But, in the meanwhile, both you and she could come to a better understanding of what divorce will mean for your family which, in turn, may or may not sway either one of you one way or the other.

You can still "DB" at the same time (to the degree you are comfortable and engaging as @Greek and @Coach have suggested), but you'll also be exposing yourselves to the stark realities of what you can each expect to face (both with respect to co-parenting and finances) in a divorce.

You've established a boundary; you've made it clear life cannot go on the way it is. Your old relationship is dead. You can either build a new one with each other or you can move on separately. But if neither one of you is committed to that process, which you can still lead IF you are, then why put off the mediation?

-AlexEN