I think yours is a very important post and I am glad you made it. Thank you.
I, too, have noticed a lot of insulting of the WAS's here. While I think anger and the expression of anger toward one's own WAS has a time and a place, even if it comes across as insults in one's post, I do not think it is very helpful when others join in.
The most important part of the work we all do here is trying to save ourselves and make ourselves whole - without the need for another person to complete us. When others join in on the insults, it keeps the LBS's focus outward on the WAS and, I think, it prolongs the anger he or she feels. I think we have to feel and pass through anger to get to a resolution, no matter whether the marriage is saved or not.
Also, I think when a LBS uses insults, it is indicative of unresolved feelings. It is said that the opposite of love is ambivalence, not hatred. Hatred is, like love, feuled by passion. I am not suggesting that just because one uses an epithet towards her WAS that she is still madly in love, but, I do think there may be some unresolved feelings to be explored. It might be better if we asked the poster to think about what those might be, rather than join in name calling.
As you have suggested, Carlos, I think it is our responsibility here on these boards to support others by helping them focus on themselves and figuring out and meeting their own needs as they move through this process.
