Any changes made should be because you want to change, for your own reasons. If he notices, and wants to be part of your life, then that's just icing on the cake. I'd say that two months of no contact is basically giving you the message that he doesn't care what you are doing. Getting in contact with him so you can show him all your changes and let him know you still care isn't really in the cards right now. You don't control what he chooses to do. Just do your own thing.
Keep this in mind though....he's given you a fairly clear message about how much you mean to him through his period of no contact. Ask yourself why you even care at this moment what he's doing or thinking. He basically removed everyone from his life...how great of catch could he be anyway. It can't be all about wanting what you can't have. Focus on yourself and get to a place where you are happy and content without him. It will happen if it happens....no use waiting around to see if he's every going to give you the time of day.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
Lost, You will have contact, at the hearing Aug. 3rd. Use this time to set some goals and meet them. And no, I don't think that setting some financial boundaries is bad at all in your sitch. He's really gone into head in the sand mode.
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
I know how you feel about the no contact thing. my H walked out on me and its been a month. i was doing the usual begging pleading through email because thats the only way i could get thru to him. and he ignored me for awhile and then answered some of my emails. the difference between you and i, is that i'm the one with depression and my H left because he couldnt take it anymore. i wish my H was like you and wanted to work thru the depression together but he doesnt and theres nothing i can do. i havent spoken or seen him in a month and its been the toughest thing ive ever gone thru, especially having depression and dealing with it on my own when i thought my H who vowed to be there in sickness and in health would hold my hand thru this extremely tough time.
the only thing you can do is change for the better and do it for yourself. he wont be around to see any changes you make but im sure that he will come around after awhile of NC unless he really doesnt have a heart and in that case you have to re-evaluate why you still want to be with him. being depressed myself, hes going through A LOT. its really tough to have this illness so be patient with him. no one around me was patient with me and that really hurt me and put me into a deeper depression. but the point is, he is definitely going thru a tough time, i know its not right of him to leave you and your children and not contact but just be aware that the depression hes going thru is really clouding his thinking. i know i have trouble with this and i say things i dont mean and blame things on my H when i didnt mean any of it, i was just do depressed and the only thing i could do to get better was go to C and take medication but no one can force him to do that. my H kept forcing me and i wanted to but by the time i did, it was too late and he had already left me.
so lost, give it time, patience is key. my H hardly contacts me and it hurts SO BAD, i know. but your life is so precious and you need to think about yourself and make yourself happy. thats the only way you're going to be able to get thru this, with or without him. you need to continue living your life as if he is never coming back, as harsh as that may sound. because only then can you detach yourself from him and live your life for YOU because YOU MATTER. i have a hard time teling myself that everyday because i miss my H so much but i think about the things that hes done to me and i have to think, why am i pining over a man who doesnt want to be with me? so i just have to move on and if he comes back, great, if he doesnt, i will have already reached a point where i dont need him. i know i can do it and i know YOU CAN DO IT TOO!!
Me: 25 years young H: 37 No Kids M: almost 3 years (anniv coming up Sept 25th) Together: 4years Bomb: June 12th, 2009
**LOVE WILL FIND A WAY FOR TWO FOOLS IN THE RAIN**
Thanks Jon, you made me feel better. I was afraid I would ruin the Dbusting thing but I don't have a choice. He isn't taking on any of the financial stuff that is both of ours and I can't afford to pay the monthly bill for D's braces on my own. I will do what you say, I'm just a little nervous on how to act when I do see him. If he even shows....and would if his lovely step-mother and father are there? Any advice?
So much going on in my head right now. But I did have a have decent time this weekend. I did think of him a lot but was also able to get my mind off of him constantly. My D and I went on a weekend with my brother and sister-in-law. And we had a good time for the first time in a long time.
What I'm also afraid of is some of the things that Phoen said above, maybe he doesn't contact because I don't mean a thing to him.
Hi beepee,
There is always hope, and it might just take your H a while to realize what he has done. You are making changes to better yourself for your marriage and he will see that sooner or later. You are just at the beginning, give yourself some time and him too. I made all of the mistakes that you made also, but great people on this site like Jon for instance will help you get through this.
If you want him back, just keep doing Dbusting and it will make a big difference. I just wish I knew about the books and this site when the bomb hit me. You are at a great place here and the people are wonderful and caring. Thank you so much for sharing your story, and I'm trying my best to be patient. Wish I could get you to talk to my H and get it through to him that meds and C help. lol I need some of your strength, how about sending some my way.
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
Jon, I went to 2 card readers like a fool. But I felt alot better. Wanted to see if they said the same things. They gave me so much hope but now I feel like a fool, for even spending the money that I can't afford to find out what might happen.
just checkin in to say hi and see how you were doing. im not doing so well and youre the closest person on here that has a similar sitch to mine (in that he doesnt contact you).
how are you feeling? any contact since? have you been successful with NC?
Me: 25 years young H: 37 No Kids M: almost 3 years (anniv coming up Sept 25th) Together: 4years Bomb: June 12th, 2009
**LOVE WILL FIND A WAY FOR TWO FOOLS IN THE RAIN**
What goals are you setting? What are you doing for you?
These are the biggest way you can surprise husband when he does contact you.
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
Just to be able to speak on friendly terms and for us to become able to speak to each other again. I'm not going to argue with him or anything like that, act pleasant. I just don't know if I will ever get the chance.
We do have the hearing on Aug. 3rd, but he never even spoke to me at all during the hearings. Let his lawyer do all of the talking. But now he doesn't have one, or at least the same one he did have. Plus his step-mother and father were always there and kept him away from me like a child.
I'm going to get my hair cut (nothing drastic) on Sat. so I feel good about myself and I look good for the hearing. I always made sure I looked my best at the other ones, but like I said sometimes I didn't even get to see him. Oh Jon, I'm also going to go tanning. Just found out I have 3 sessions left from last year and have not gone at all this year yet.
Do you have anymore suggestions that I might be able to do or how to act if he does happen to contact me before that?
