Mother's Day Disaster

[ACJ]

BM,
Maybe 'support' was the wrong word to use. Either way I see your point. You are right about the lack of detachment. Even now when it is past the point of no return I want to reach out to my H so much. Not to make him come back but to ask him to let me go so that I can move forward. I know I can't do that b/c asking would only make him go in the opposite direction and I can't afford to go any further back.

Tonight I've been out for tea with my old boss. We were discussing what has happened and she said that deep down I must still have some feelings for H. She is right. As the mother of his children I think I always will have. However it did set me off thinking. Being the mother of hs children was the one thing that I had that OW didn't. Now I don't have that exclusivity and I think that is what is hurting so much. She has now taken everythig away from me. Maybe she felt she had to in order to ensure H remained 'hers'. I don't know.

At the same time I want to write to h askiing him not to screw up this new child's life in the same way that he done with our children. Again there isn't much point as he is still very much in denial/replay so it wouldn't make one scap of diffenrence. I know I'm a control freak, always have been and probably always will be, and the fact that i am powerless to protect my children from his selfishness is really affecting me deeply.

All that being said, I do now feel much better and am determined to enjoy my grduation tomorrow.