Peace be upon you, my brother. In what follows I am not going to be the sympathetic fellow that I am IRL. I am not going to be the fellow DBer, the fellow LBS, the fellow veteran, the fellow fellow.
I'm just going to put on my editor's eye-shade and bust out my sharpest pencils, not to "correct" anything but to set you to Thinking. The snarkiness that follows is not "really" directed at you -- you know that, right? Merely at the words. I barely got a "C" in Wood Shop back at Big Midwestern City High, so I don't do 2x4s, but I am reputed to be a pretty savage sonuvab*tch with a Ticonderoga #2.
If that's unfair, please have the mods delete this outright; won't trouble me -- this is your house, after all.
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3)I am sorry, but I can not keep living in the purgatory that is our current relationship.
Value-laden word. Avoid modifiers. "I can't keep living this way."
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It will help me if you help me understand these behaviors and which are the most hurtful, so that I can work on them first.
Blaming yourself too much. What if the behaviors annoyed, irritated, vexed, bored? What if these hurtful behaviors are simply rhetoric, rationalizing and justifying something else she doesn't want to reveal? Take ownership without taking blame.
"Work on them first?" Well (says she) what have you been doing all this time besides riding your bike? I knew these were fake changes!
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I am sorry, I really am. I do not intend for this to continue or reoccur.
Implies she wouldn't accept your apology at face value -- no, I'm really sorry. "Recur," not "reoccur." (Of course that's writin' and not speakin' -- just FYI.)
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Please make your decision as to whether you want to stay and work on the M based on what will trulybe best for you, taking everything into consideration.
As opposed to what will "fakely" be best for her? Mightn't one suggest that she's already decided "what will...be best for [her]"?
Gilding the lily. Why should she take "everything" into consideration? Why can't she make a decision based only on This or That?
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My clear desire, based on what I think is the best choice for all of us, is to do what we have not yet done, and actively work on improving our relationship. We have built a family together here, and you are part of that family - an important and valued part. Despite all of the pain and bad feelings that have built up between us, that family is worth fighting for.
"whatI think is the best choice for all of us". Well! Who died and made you Sheriff? What about what I think?
Otherwise too business-y ("Mike, you've done great things here, and I want you to know you're a valued part of our team, but we've decided to give Bruce the promotion.").
Try: "We have a great family, and even though we're struggling now I really believe it's worth fighting for. Even if we just end up where we are, on the brink of divorce, I think it deserves our best shot. What do you think?"
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I am willing ... I am willing ... I am willing ... I am willing ... I am willing ... I am willing.
Sort of all about you, eh? And aren't you swell, being so willing?
"I'm here to say that I will do whatever it takes, regardless of where it leads. And I'm asking you: Can you do the same? For the sake of the kids, for the sake of everything we were? I've come to a place of acceptance, and I'm open to the possibility that, at the end of the day, we'll still wind up in divorce court. Can you open yourself to the possibility of the opposite outcome and commit to finding out which of those outcomes we get?"
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In order to try to fight for our family
Would you not ask these things under any circumstances other than fighting for the family?
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I request the following from you. - Please confirm that you will participate in Retrouvaille in September. We'll send in the registration and check today and commit to attending. - Immediately cut off any and all inappropriate relationships with other men - the two that we talked about, as well as any others that are going on. You know what they are. If the men text you, do not respond.
You request, but then everything that follows demands: confirm, immediately cut off, do not respond.
"any others that are going on. You know what they are". Now listen here, Wife; I am here to ask you to join me in fighting for our family because I love you and want to preserve this great thing that we built, but I'm also suspicious as all hell and am going to accuse you of a variety of unnamed and nefarious deeds, without coming right out and saying so.
Okay, pencil's gone a bit dull. Have to find the sharpener.
