First off, great first name - same as my sons (and grandfather)!
Much of what you describe about your situation rings home for me.
I know as hard as this may sound, you cant have any R and D talks with her now. She is an emotional mess and reasoned logic does not work. It also makes it hard for you to detach.
If you have any guns in the house, get those to a 3rd party until this all blows over.
She needs a major dose of reality and you need space to detach. I think you need to get her out of the house and separate/protect as much things in the financial department as possible.
Strike hard and strike fast.
Do NOT show mercy now. There is always time for that later if she comes around but keep that big legal gun loaded and cocked.
You may later regret not taking action legally.
Be the exception to the rule. Don't be the guy (because there are lots of them) that says later: "I wish I would have listened but I didn't think she was like that" Or "I really got f'd" or "I should have" ...blah blah blah. I'm not saying hammer her right out of the gate. But you need to be prepared to do so in the office with your lawyer. You can always call your lawyer off if things don't go your way but it doesn't work the other way around.
I'm talking change the locks, file status quo protective restraining orders for the kids. LOCK her out of your life until YOU can dictate how far back into your life and your wallet YOU are willing to let her into.
I am sorry that you are at this point in your marriage. I see it like it is and have seen some cases here that had a chance, but right now, yours is looking a bit bleak for any sort of piecing or nights out together right now. I am not saying there is no chance for reconcilliation with your W, but you need to first be strong. This is a marathon and after months of your detaching, gal, having a positive mental attitude, and your W out on her own, there still is a possibility that she will take the steps to fix her mental problems and try to win you back. Until then, the most important thing for you to do is focus on yourself and your kids.
