Over the Shock and GALing 6

[Thinker]

Here are my current thoughts,

They are bulleted and phrased directly - probably not how I would say them.

1-3 I think I understand, although I want to keep thinking about them so I can weed out the selfishness and word them in a more loving way. (feedback is welcome)

I am still a bit lost on #4 - concrete actions that are not unenforceable or unreasonable demands. (feedback definitely welcome)

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1) I understand and see that I have done many things, failed to do some others, and acted in ways in the past that have hurt you and hurt our M. I take responsibility for this. I am sorry, I really am. I do not intend for this to continue or reoccur. I am going to continue to look for and correct any destructive behaviors on my part. It will help me if you help me understand these behaviors and which are the most hurtful, so that I can work on them first.

(Thought bubble: Gritting my teeth because W continues to maintain that all bad things in the R were 100% because of me - all my fault because I was such a horrible person)

2) I understand that you are not happy in our M now, and that you believe you may never be able to be happy while married to me. This makes me sad, and I obviously don't like it, but I accept it. I want you to be happy, and If you truly can not be happy with me, then I will accept that as well. Please make your decision as to whether you want to stay and work on the M based on what will truly be best for you, taking everything into consideration. If you decide to proceed with Divorce, then I will be OK. I will move on with my life.

3)I am sorry, but I can not keep living in the purgatory that is our current relationship. I need to move in one direction or the other. My clear desire, based on what I think is the best choice for all of us, is to do what we have not yet done, and actively work on improving our relationship. We have built a family together here, and you are part of that family - an important and valued part. Despite all of the pain and bad feelings that have built up between us, that family is worth fighting for.

I am willing to really listen to you and understand you, your pains, your needs and your desires. You are important to me. I understand that I have not listened well in the past, and with the help of our counselor, I want to work to change that.

I am willing to go through the emotional pain of the Retrouvaille process. I am willing to confront myself and my issues. I am willing to work with a counselor to work on improving myself and our relationship. If that is not working, I am willing to try a different counselor. If none of this works and we come to the conclusion that the Marriage is not workable, then I am willing to work on a plan for cooperatively raising our children while divorced.

4. In order to try to fight for our family, I request the following from you.

- Please confirm that you will participate in Retrouvaille in September. We'll send in the registration and check today and commit to attending.

- Immediately cut off any and all inappropriate relationships with other men - the two that we talked about, as well as any others that are going on. You know what they are. If the men text you, do not respond.

(Not sure what else I want... Retrouvaille is a long way away)

I understand and accept if you can not make these commitments because you have decided that you wish to end the marriage. We can make an appointment with a mediator and start collaboratively building a plan for how we will dissolve the marriage.