I'm going to meet with my IC in about 50 minutes. I think I'm getting to the point where I just want to make something happen.
I'm almost considering letting the D crap handle itself and start finding some way to approach W at this point. What can I do? I want to focus on the kids. Right now she is in the position where she doesn't seem super hell-bent on openly continuing her R next door with OM.
I want to get a commitment to enter some sort of counseling, at least for the purposes of getting through the D.
What can I do? Her stupid allegations/etc. were so impotent under questioning that I'm far less concerned about her coming up with something realistic as long as I continue recording things.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
Are you sure you're wanting to do this "for the kids," or is this just some of the same old DC "rescuing" of her?
Puppy
My IC asked the same question. I'm not sure. I love her. I also don't like her. I just hate the idea of things falling apart without even a decent conversation about it.
I'm just not sure. I don't think she needs rescuing - I think she needs help which ultimately isn't my responsibility to provide.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
You have some tough decisions to make. I don't envy you, and I've sucked at mine as well, if that's any consolation. It's ALWAYS easier to give OTHER people advice!!
I'm sure W has her own support system telling her to listen to her lawyer and not me - and in that event there isn't much I can do.
But her support system likely doesn't know about her affair.
As a computer programmer, I go by the method garbage in, garbage out. This means that given any invalid input you are going to get an invalid output.
Naturally any advice W receives from her family is not based on a full knowledge of the facts (her affair), and therefore she can't gain valid advice.
Since we are a 'fault' state W has charged me with two 'fault' grounds:
"Mental and Physical Cruelty" - this is not even recognized in our state and in those states in which it is recognized W cannot meet the burden of proof, i.e. there is no evidence.
"Adultery" - it is a part of our state code that prior acts which were condoned, i.e. forgiven by resuming marital relations, etc. cannot be used - and this cannot be used if the party alleging it has committed the act in question. Also it requires more evidence than a confession.
So basically W's fault grounds are meaningless and my fault ground of adultery is the only valid one.
Why am I regurgitating all of this?
W does not understand the concept of 'fault' and she doesn't understand her legal exposure. She thinks this is a matter of who can say the most crap about the other.
I'm wondering if rationalizing with her the fact that she may be exposed to legal fees, etc. would make her more willing to discuss compromise?
I don't want to come across as "threatening" or anything, but basically putting her on notice that refusal to compromise or attend counseling means I have no choice but to continue pursuing attorney fees, etc.?
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
So, did you commit adultery? (Hope you don't mind asking since I'm new here- just trying to figure everyone's sitch out).
Yes. I admitted to it less than a week later, asked for forgiveness, and haven't done anything since.
She indicated forgiveness, we continued along in our M. So I'm not trying to crucify her out of hypocrisy or anything. I wouldn't have even brought her A into it if she hadn't attacked me using a 'fault' based argument.
I've admitted my A to her, her family, etc. She continues to lie about her own.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
