Short of telling them I didn't do anything bad, I have done the above... I don't want to smother them with it, but they each know they can talk to me about what they are feeling... They are liberal with that (except for D11), but this came as a surprise to me...
It's just so tough, isn't it? Finding that fine balance between what to talk about with the kids and what to keep to oneself...it just seems all to easy for the WAS to manipulate that kind of situation.
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And you think telling him that it is even more difficult for you to be friendly (or friendy as @Smiley would say) with her because she had inappropriate friendships with other men would be harmful to him in what way? Would it not be truthful? Would it not help him make more sense of the situation? It need not be expressed as ill-will; it isn't d*mning, but it is factual. Stated in the negative; isn't it possibly more unhealthy for him not to have enough of the story to make sense of it?
I guess my perspective is a bit different on this issue...since I tend to see my STBX's affair and EAs as symptoms of her unhappiness. My S12 already has so many misgivings about my STBX, that I don't think knowing about OMs would make much of a difference...of course, my sitch is different...since she's not his mom.
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Not sure why, but that strikes me as a very heavy message for a child to understand. There are many of us who have been told similarly on these very boards that still wrestle with that very concept...
I think it is a heavy message - but, oddly enough, when I talked with my S12 about it - it seemed to relieve him a lot - and he said it helped him make sense of a lot of "unfairness" in this world...for us, it turned into a conversation about the differences between people who face things that challenge them and figure out ways to overcome them - and people who simply buckled under and allow themselves to wither away...and the gradations in between.
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Gonna have to sleep on it. Don't want to give the Dr. up, so I don't want to probe the matter with S9. I guess when the opportunity presents itself, I will let him know that, as far a I know, I didn't do anything "really bad". Hope W present if and when this happens and she has "decency" to so offer on her own (or second if I have to say it), but that is not in my control. I get the impression Dr. will try to probe on this one, as she was clearly taken a back by it. Maybe I can even ask her to have him ask me or W if I did something bad... Still thinking... But, my eyelids are drooping...
So tough...I'm sure you'll find the right course of action...you've been doing so many amazing things for your kids through all of this.
