H wants a D so we can date...each other! WTF??!

[Trixi]

I have read DR (a couple years ago). I guess I need to pull it back out and refresh my memory.

It's been 2 years since the bomb and will be two years in August since we have lived together. I'm losing steam.

This whole time we've been dating each other on and off. He will get upset (with me or our sitch) and make declarations that we should move forward towards D. I will go dark and within 2-6 weeks, he is back.

As far as I know, he still hasn't actually had sex outside of our marriage. He attempted to with a couple of different girls "half my age" but he was unable to, um, well, the plumbing wouldn't work for him. Which I think is interesting.

Initially (couple years ago), he had this idea that we would date each other and could see other people platonically. Looking back, I see what an idiot I was to say ok. I figured I could 'win' him back. In fact, early last year, he would toss out little crumbs of "you think you're winning me back, don't you?" and I would say "yup" and he would say "mhmm, you might be."

BUT, then I started to "pressure" him about living together again, and he retreated.

He won't let me go, but he won't claim me as his. This whole situation revolves around his feelings. I guess I should catch a clue. Why can't I just let him go? Why can't I just see him as an @sshole and walk away?