I thought about sending her MIL a letter but I know that she will tell W about it and that will only put more pressure on W.
Um, that's kinda the idea. To have key people in her life, that you feel would be supportive of the marriage, bring some pressure to bear to try and talk some sense into her.
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There was really no M complaints. The only complaint that she really has ever had in 6 years of M is that she says that I am jealous. This has happened a couple of times and is usually when she is acting strange (ie starts hiding her phone or hiding the computer when I am near) This has happened probably 3x since we have been married and yes each time it there was an OM that she was talking too. One of them went almost this far a couple of years ago. She has a hard time not handling situations and when something comes up in her life she tends to find outside sources to relieve her tense. While none of these turned into anything major (at least the previous two) she can not deal with it in a mature way or in keep from going outside the M.
At times I do find it hard to trust her especially when she is doing things like this.
Sounds like you don't have any good REASON to trust her, from all of the above?? She doesn't sound trustWORTHY.
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Things that I should have done is to set boundaries when I had the chance and not let her have her way all the time. I should have realized how sensitive she was with the stuff she is dealing with her parents.
I agree. There will be another chance if you play your cards right, to rectify that. Right now, I'd just focus on going dark and strongly considering exposing her affair. Until they get some help (good counseling), serial adulterers don't just suddenly "come to their senses," barring some religious conversion.
To have key people in her life, that you feel would be supportive of the marriage, bring some pressure to bear to try and talk some sense into her.