WAW and 4 kids

[tryingtilDorR]

I know a lot about OM. He is a friend we had in High School that we suddenly came back into contact with about 18 months ago through a chance encounter at a local shopping center. They started talking a lot about the 'old days' and also fitness/exercise. She started calling him every morning to wake him up so he could go work out when she was on the way to her workout and things grew from there I think. He and I were captains of our football team in high school, and my W and his high-school GF were both cheerleaders and we all hung out in the same crowd. I feel like she is reliving HS all over again. She kind of admitted that yeah, I was her first real serious BF and maybe she didn't do enough before that with other boys.

He is single and never been married. He bounced around trying to play pro football for years and never really recovered from that. My wife would be a great catch for him. The guy has a criminal record and most women like my W wouldn't give him the time of day. He is 44 and drifts between living with his mom and the mother of his kid I think. He has a daughter but isn't married to the mom and the kid loves my W.

I tried to get him to stop contacting my W directly but he ran to her and complained, so that backfired. My initial conversation with him was "Hey I would appreciate it if you guys cut it out because I still want to try to make my marriage work and this isn't helping." She had been telling him the marriage was over, etc etc and that Retrouvaille was a waste of time (heard this firsthand).

The good news for me is that she doesn't HAVE to see him like your wife did - there is no reason for them to see each other unless they go out of their way to plan it, but then again he isn't 1000 miles away like you hear about in some of these internet-affair situations.

All in all my W is a great catch for this guy. He was kind of a slob and she motivated him to get back in shape. He doesn't work much (drives cement truck) and is on some kind of disability so he has lots of time on his hands. The sad thing is that she thinks low enough about herself to let someone like this fulfill whatever she is looking for. I (and her family/friends) are hoping she wakes up to this fact and says "what the hell was I thinking?" some time soon, but this guy will keep after her.

I told her the other day the only way this ever ends is if she firmly tells him she is cutting off contact and then changes her cell phone # so he can't text her. She told him she was cutting it out in March but he kept texting her.

When I try to point out what a low-life this guy is she pushes back. I try to tell her that just the fact that he would carry on a relationship with a married woman should tell her something, because she would never do that with a married man (I think she agrees). She then turns it around and says that SHE is the one who is the low-life for pursuing him. I told her that she is playing mind games with herself, because he coaxed her into that position, and as soon as she stops pursuing he does his thing to bring her back into the fold (texting her, finding excuses to talk to her, etc). I found out that HE was the one who started asking questions about whether she was happy in her M, she didn't, so I know he was plotting all along.

I need her to get to the point where she is interested enough in the M that she seriously thinks about cutting off contact with him completely, and that is something I might be able to help with. I am not sure the one can happen before the other however. I think on the one hand she cares about him and doesn't want to be mean and tell him to go away, and on the other she wants to keep one foot in the fire in case she decides to leave me.

It sucks, but it is the cards I have been dealt so I am trying to play it correctly.