K4D Rising #3

[K4D]

Also,

I am not putting any blame on her. I am aware of what I did to be put in this situation. I have asked for forgiveness for what I did and I have forgiven her as well. I don't need her. But I genuinely love her and want her back and I want our family pieced back together. It would be better for all of us especially the kids. But things have to be right first.

I am spending time listening to sermons at night. And not about marriage, but about my spirituality and salvation. I am spending time working on the same things with my daughters and they are really getting into it. I read some on M stuff. But it isn't my only focus.

And rejoiceministries.org is very uplifting when you have down moments and there is a lot of good advice on there. God invented M. Of course he wants to restore your M. If God can bring me to my knees, he can certainly bring anyone to their knees and change hearts. Never underestimate the power of prayer and preparing yourself.

My situation looks impossible. It definitely won't be over night. But it will happen over time. And when it does, I am going to give all the glory to God. But in order for God to do that, I have to make God #1 in my life regardless of circumstances and not for any other reason other than loving God and wanting to follow him.

I can prove this. I am going to a church that my W detests because I believe it is where I am supposed to be. Thats a big mark against me. I have worried about that affecting her coming back. But I am doing it anyways because I disagree with her on the church. I am willing to walk in the path that I believe my salvation to be even if it means she doesn't come back. But I do believe with time she will. I have chosen God over trying to please her. So I would not say that I am backsliding. If I was backsliding here, I would be doing what she wants me to do. My salvation is more important than whether or not she comes back. Her salvation and my kids salvation are equally important as mine. But I have to focus on me and the kids regardless of what she thinks. So I would say that I am making progress because of that.

Kevin