It was the big move at the weekend. H worked so unbelievably hard all day for me. We carried washing machines, fridge/ freezers, double beds everything for my new place together. We were both shattered but we managed to do it in two van loads and he didn't get back to his place till 1am. We had a really good day together again and had a long lunch in the middle which I bought as a thank you. He paid for the van for moving me and wouldn't even let me pay for petrol.
I guess things to note were that he wouldn't really look at me properly and I do feel like he has barriers up so that we won't reconnect. He worked so hard at disconnecting from me that summer when he left and he is still having to work actively to stay disconnected. He didn't really give much away emotionally, although when we left the house for the final time I commented that I felt a bit weird and he said him too. In the car I said 'I'm really glad that we're friends' and he looked me straight in the eye and said 'him too'. We had a bit of drama when we got to the new place and as we shut the cat in the bathroom while we unloaded and she escaped through a door which I didn't know was there and went under the floorboards. That was just when he was leaving and he offered to stay and was beside himself with worry. When he left I managed to get her out as she knows and trusts me rather than him and he was still sitting in the van outside on the phone. I went out there and said I'd got her and we kind of held onto each others arms (as hugging was impossible) like we didn't want to let go of each other, I guess a mixture of relief and mutual bonding.
A funny thing was that when we took a load of junk to the dump, the guy that was there was chatting to me and said 'you and your partner' and I replied that he wasn't my partner and the guy said 'oh, in that case can I have your number?' I declined politely but h asked what we were talking about and so I told him. He looked really surprised but when we were driving away he asked again if the guy had really asked for my number. I like the fact that it played on his mind lol.
We have exchanged a quite a few texts over the past few days. However, since being out of the house he has played less on my mind. I am loving the new place and the new area and I think I will be happy there. I guess, on the move day I was the most natural I have ever been with h and I didn't cry or get upset or casue any kind of scene. Just concentrated on having a good day.
Also some positives are that he called our cat by our old pet name for her in a text - he can show emotion to her then! And he seems intent on still keeping me in his life and doesn't seem to want to lose touch in the future - we'll see on that one.
