OK, I just spoke to W. She was upbeat during our conversation until I told her to call the Retro registration. She kinda became matter-of-fact, asked me to email her all the information. So I did. She didn't say forget it or anything. I wish I wasn't a natural pessimist. Still have hope, though, more than I had last week!!
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Email from W: FYI- The Block Party may be that weekend. But there is a good chance it will be the weekend before, Labor Day weekend. I will try to call this afternoon.
Bye
looking for an excuse not to go? I don't want to over analyze...
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
looking for an excuse not to go? I don't want to over analyze...
but you do!?
What does the Bible tell us about worrying?
You control you - thoughts, feelings and actions. Hard lesson to learn but crucial. Wasted energy trying to guess what someone else is thinking. If you really have to know then ask. Cheers Coach
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I know, Coach. As soon as I posted it here, I put it out of my head. That's kinda what I was using that post for. Leave it here, and don't think about it again. And I haven't. I always over-analyze. It is a fault in this case. Im focussing on the fact that she is calling and registering. Thanks, Coach.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
My stomach is in knots. I don't know why. I can't put my finger on any specific problem. I am trying to distract myself, but here at work today all I am doing is data entry. It is so tedious I can't help but let my mind wander where it shouldn't go right now. I decided to go to the gym directly from work later. That should help.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
I think she was just telling me because the kids look forward to it every year. I honestly believe she is really going to go to the Retro. I know my W, if she wanted to go to the block party instead, she would have said so. I am going to suggest my parents take the boys to the party since they are going to be watching them. I was posting to kind of rid myself of pessimistic thoughts. I thought I could put it here and forget about it, and it worked.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Journaling a bit here... Last night I worked until 7, and I told W I was going straight to the gym. On the way from work to the gym, she texted if I could stop home and pick up a key and have it copied. NP, I said, and stopped home. She was in a good mood, started to tell me about her evening with the boys. I got the key, went and got it copied, and went to the gym. When I returned home, she was doing some work she brought home. We talked for a bit about her day. My Dad's birthday is today, and we had planned on visiting him with the boys tonight. He had cardiac catheterization on Tuesday and we weren't sure if he was going to be up to visitors. So last night I told her that he was fine, and was looking forward to seeing the boys. She said she wanted to go out after we visited, then it turned into her wanting to go straight from work, and I would take the boys to Dad's. She said we were all going to see him on Saturday, anyway, the family is getting together for him then. Next, I tell her that Dad's birthday party was moved to my brother's house Saturday. She has this weird thing about my SIL that I don't understand. She said oh, well, maybe I won't go then. I didn't know what to say to that, so I dropped it. More pleasant conversation, then her voice became kinda monotone, and she says she hadn't had a chance to call the Retrouvaille host couple yet. I said not to worry, just try again tomorrow. I excused myself to go to bed, she stopped me to show me a picture S5 had drawn at vacation bible school, then said goodnight.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Any interest she shows in Retrouvaille is a positive thing, and it will definitely be a plus if she agrees to go. I went about 3 weeks ago but they never did a prescreen call with us. My wife has an ongoing EA with OM who has had extreme marital troubles for years, so they lean on each other for comfort. We got an email from the Retrouvaille organizer which said they ENCOURAGE the ending of any third party relationships, but don't say it is a deal breaker for attending.
Retro is an extremely powerful experience and will help you make great strides in opening up to one another and building effective communication, but don't expect a miracle to occur on the weekend. They emphasize that the 6 4-hour weekly "post" meetings are as important if not more so than the weekend itself. If your wife has an ongoing OM relationship it will definitely dampen the effectiveness and may even cause some discouragement on your part, but it still is worthwhile. My wife communicated via email with the OM during the weekend, which was tough to take, but she felt open enough to show me the communication, which I took as positive, rightly or not. You just have to plow forward and be patient to "let it work".
Just a little FYI to help you set expectations. Hopefully she will take the step to attend. Good luck.
Last edited by pigskin; 07/16/0902:09 PM.
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
I don't believe there is an OM. There is an old male friend who she talks to, but while I rather she didn't talk to him often, I don't think there is anything going on. She brought up going, so I am encouraged. Being a pessimist by nature, I automatically looked for alterier motives. I can't really think of any. I know it won't be a magic cure all, but it is my last best hope.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
