Terribly sorry to hear this news, but on the other hand rather glad you took a stand. This is not Limboland anymore; this is Cake-Eating Central. And that's just wrong.
I was skimming one of my references last night, a book called The Dance of Connection, which is directed at women who need to make themselves "heard." And it's pretty supportive of divorce, "when you feel you have to."
So that's an irritant. But that fact notwithstanding, the author does make this point: Divorce is okay (in her POV), but only if you're fair about it. Granted, I take exception to a lot there, but her definition of "fair" is, well, fair -- full disclosure.
There's no point, she says, in going to MC if you're having or intend to have an affair -- don't waste your time or theirs. Why? If you're a woman who complains that her H doesn't listen to her, it's no fair holding secret knowledge. Too many women, she says, assume they're not being heard when they're simply not listening to themselves to check on whether they're being heard. He might not be listening, she says, but you also might not be putting things in ways he gets. If you (she says to her presumptive female reader) believe you are not being "heard" then it is YOUR obligation to make yourself heard.
What does this have to do with your post?
Hiding, denying, trying to put things back on the H -- that's not being heard, she says, it's not having a voice, and it's not fair. So I'll take that nugget and disregard her casual acceptance of divorce -- if WAS is going to divorce us because the R hasn't been to their taste, because we haven't "been there," or whatever, I see no reason why WAS should hide information. Hiding implies guilt, a need to hide. As the author writes, if you're going to mess up someone's life (and maybe some childrens' lives and maybe your own life to boot), at least have the guts to be open and fair about it.
Your W has not been fair in that sense. So you called her out on it. And more power to you.
I got the same, "You shouldn't have snooped!" counter-attack and my response was: That's as may be. But my wrong doesn't make your wrong, right.
