Puppy - Help !

[lowneil]

Good questions about the affair. I am angry. From my point of view we have a great life, great kids, etc. We struggled financially for many years and we are now propsering. I am thinking: Wow, you have everything - a guy who loves you, provides, a great life, kids...what is going on here? Why aren't you happy.

I have always known that my wife has a predisposition to depression. In fact, she was on anti-depressants once back in 2003-2004. She gained weight and decided that she could handle the depression without meds.

Her Mom is mentally ill and walked out when my W was 6.
Her sister is too. So I am sure there is some of that going on.

She wanted to "find herself" again about 2 years ago and went to work part time doing fashion shows for a designer, which involved about 5 nights out of town a month. I supported her and made sure I was available to be home watching the kids even thought I work full time too. I thought that if she had something of her own outside of being a wife and a mom that it would be fulfilling for her.

I guess the reason I am not out of control angry is that I know she is not in a healthy place right now and wouldn't have had an affair if she had been her normal self. I also know that although the affair is certainly not my fault. It wouldn't have happened if our marraige was healthy and I am as responsible for that as she is.

Plus, I am not sure that being angry about it is a solution-oriented approach. I'm dealing with it, it won't kill me.