I had this sinking feeling that Monday evening was presaging a storm from H and yesterday morning I got all his anger in the chin.
Now H really HAS an anger issue-right since the year dot he`d get so mad he`d lash out to the point that I`d be afraid he`s hit me but typically he would leave the house then and drive off to calm down. Never came back remorseful because, in his book, it was all MY fault. That happened again last Oct, only this time he did take the two fists up to me, dance around like a boxer and yell"Do you want to f***in fight C`mon and F*** fight, within earshot of my sons. I took him to court for physical intimidation, got a protection order against him though I didn`t follow through on getting a safety order as I`d thought he`d learnt his lesson was attending counselling.
Ok, fast forward and he is STILL angry. Only I`m not afraid that he`ll hit me anymore cos he KNOWS I`ll take him to court. Now he says he`s angry BECAUSE I took him to court. He had a very troubled childhood. Witnessed his Mum being beaten by his father, left unconcious, arm broken, bruised and battered right up til H was 18. It was NEVER spoken about within his family til now!And H maintains he had a happy childhood...
Yesterday I asked H if he slept ok, that sparked a rant from him. I stayed calm(though shaking) as he said"You have destroyed my life", not to call him `sweetheart` because I never loved him, that I should go away on my own fro a few days that he is well capable of looking after the children.
I told him I didn`t want to go away on my own for a few days but I would be taking the children for a break in August. I reminded him that I was going yesterday for the day, as we`d arranged. I told him that dealing with him was like dealing with two differnt people The Nice Guy who`d texted the previous week that he`s "Love if I joined him for the evening for the wedding" and the Angry Guy who`s spent weeks telling me I couldn`t go the same wedding.I told him the sitch was difficult fro me too and that I had been presecribed tranquillsers. He said "They give those to cows" I left the room.
I left and went away for the day. I`ve nothing in my bank acc (meanwhile H is looking to buy a top of the range bike for himself and change his car-more MLC stuff)but my dear sis forwarded me money, was a listening ear on the phone as was my other GF who`s had similar problems herslef and has offered me her apt for a holiday with the kids. So, yes, I found silverlinings to yesterday`s black mood.
My family want me to go to the solicitor and get H out of the house. He is doing my head in. Home yesterday evening I got more of the same. Him standing over me while I was on the PC, him checking through my PC history when he got the chance, looking through my mail(sis had sent me a parcel of goodies). He did nothing with the kids all day"I was here for them wasn`t I?"he says, the house was filthy, he dropped and collected DS14 from golf.
I`m not sure what kickstarted this mood. He`s on his 2nd week of two weeks hols and last week my niece being here meant H had to be civil. He was in his folks place at the w`end. I suspect they gave him and earful re separation and yet he would have given them no hope of reconciliation with me.I know he found my vibrator and my DB book on Monday(mixed messages there!)
Anyway, SR, I`ve got my Thelma and Louse bolthole. Sis offered for me to stay in her house ANY time the giong gets tough and I can say there`s an emergency at home as my parents live near her and could need us at any time.
I have similar offers from other sibs and my dear GF who`s also offered me her holiday apt this year.
H has finally dusted off his clubs and is going golfing with DS14 today! (This is really part of his "I`m a good Dad"act with separation in mind but hey, I`m glad to have him outta the house for the am)but it could kick start an interest and I know just the couple who could help me in that regard si yes, thanks for the suggestion! H just mulls around and does nothing when he`s home-really depression type stuff so getting someone else to pull him out is and inspired idea. Thanks!
And guess, what, I`d already planned to take the younger two to the new HP movie this pm so that`ll get me through this evening.
Like you say, one day at a time.
Sooo disappointed I`m getting nowhere with this and really tempted to get him out of the house for good!
