A Wife that has come back? Post Affair feelings ,,

[Deep]

Just journaling a bit more.

Been observing the W, and I can't seem to find any hint of the WAW that was her 20 months ago. Have not told her much about the sense of just being lost and detached I was feeling, just that I needed to talk to her soon once I sort my thoughts out a bit more. She is obviously fearful I'll rant at her over the A but just quietly agreed.

She's obviously working on herself too. Told me of a few headhunters who have called her up (no go since she is pregnant), and asked me about talking to a few business friends about her working for them on a part weekly basis after the maternity leave so she can spend time with the kids (or even working for my business, but I told her that's not a good idea). She is re-decorating the apartment, partly to give the older kids a better study area, and to prepare for the new arrival. Comes home straight after work almost everyday, in fact bugs me to pick her up earlier (I send her to work and home from work). Texts me often, and often tells me she missed me during the day when we're cuddling at night. Holds my hand during the drives everyday and never fails to kiss it and say how happy she is we're back together this way.

So ... can't fault her effort at all.

We just came back from a gynae appointment yesterday. Seeing the baby on the scan again was so nice. Our first gynae wanted to terminate the pregnancy due to complications and this is our second doctor. First round of tests results came back as low risk on some standard birth deformities, so we're hopeful and I'm praying as we go for detailed tests in the next month. She really wants things to be ok as this baby will mean so much in so many ways about what we've been through.

So, still praying and trying and telling myself to be positive and not let insecurities and hurts eat at the balance I've gotten by improving on myself first ...