DO NOT promise you will not bring it up in court. Continue to tell her that you do not want a divorce - - but that if she insists on getting one that you will discuss with your attorney what will be brought up in court.
Honey, she is just trying to manipulate you. Do not worry about her tears. Be very patient with her, but do not strike out in anger or react to her nonsense, do not be baited. Keep telling yourself as she begging you not to bring it up that THIS is exactly WHY people should not have affairs! Because when the truth comes out it is very hurtful and painful and embarassing, not to mention the destruction to the family and children!!! This is her mess. Even if you try to rescue her, she has to clean up her own mess no matter what you do. She thinks that if she can coerce you into agreeing not to bring up the affair that she can somehow escape the guilt and consequences of it. DO NOT let her think she can escape because she cannot!
In the meantime, you should have a healthy sense of anger ABOUT the affair itself, which you don't seem to have? I am still confused about that.
The next time she tries to have an R talk with you, tell her that you would be willing to have an R talk about the affair and all the ways you have both contributed to the marital breakdown WITH A COUNSELOR.
