Hey Friends, Old and New (And what was old is new again, B.!)
Well, the time was right last night, and GymWoman and I were having a glass of wine on her deck, after she had worked all weekend, and I was at Reserves. We got talking about how we both reacted when our respective spouses told us they were dumping us. I told her I didn't handle it well at all, and she asked what I meant by that. I told her about my total breakdown in March of 2006 when I spent some time in the Silly Hospital, and I told her exactly how I got there. We have been seeing each other almost every other day since December.
She just looked at me and told me that it didn't matter, that's not who I was now, and that she was so happy and it meant a lot to her that I trusted her with that issue, and that she loved me more than ever. I wish you all find someone like her!
I think we all know deep down that those of us here are really good people who got the short end of some shallow spouses.
I do think that although Michelle feels that the vast majority of marriages can be saved, I'm NOW happy that mine was not! I don't think any of you remember me from 2006, but.........you would not recognize me.
That was a major worry for you, F. I am so happy that it went the way you hoped (and how I thought it would go!). I hope the kids are happy and healthy, as well, and that you are enjoying your summer.
Thanks everyone. It is so obvious to me that I don't post here as often, because I now have someone else of quality in my life.
It is SO helpful that she went through the same thing. She also admitted being seriously depressed when her husband broke the news to her, and was further devastated when she found out he was having an affair with one of his secretaries.
She admitted, and I'm coming to see, that our spouses did each of us the biggest favors of our lives.
A marriage can only be saved if both people own why it failed. MY STBX owned it, but was not interested in changing her behaviors OR fixing the marriage.
We both also realized that we just were never really that INTO our spouses, and they were never really enamoured with us either, but....a commitiment was a commitment to us, for better or....oh yeah.....worse.
We both admitted that there was chemistry between us for years, but neither of us acted on it, because, we of course, took our marriage vows seriously. I guess in life this type of stuff happens.
It is also so obvious to me now just how unhappy I REALLY was, and I was trying to save something that really shouldn't have been saved.
When you think of how difficult it is to first get over a divorce, be OK with yourself, and then maybe think of a future with someone else MAYBE someday, I really got lucky. We have a great time together. She like I do, realize that the best THINGS in life aren't really THINGS at all!
She told her daughter last night that I was the love of her life....Pretty good stuff, huh? Eight months later, miracles do happen. I never expected anything like this, and I never saw her as a replacment for my STBX. It just sort of evolved.
My year in Iraq was the ultimate detachment experience. I was away form home for nearly two years.
As my STBX tries to pull the same old angry, controlling stuff with me, it just rolls off my back now, where three years ago, any anger or threat from her would have me reeling!!!!! She, like many of the Xs I have read about here is just not a very nice person. Oh well.......
I also find it weird to be in a normal R. I keep expecting a fight or him to pull something passive aggressive and it doesn't happen. It's strangely easy and wonderful lol.
What scares me the most though is that things with STBXH were like that for years before everything changed. I hope my judgment this time is better!
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
What scares me the most though is that things with STBXH were like that for years before everything changed. I hope my judgment this time is better!
I think the hardest thing to handle is when we realize that judgement may not be the entire issue. People change and often there's not a damn thing we can do about it! That's what makes venturing out again a brave act. We can't predict what another will ever do...we just can't...but we reach out anyway.
