Sara, you have an excellent memory.
Seems that my dramatic actions (leaving, taking kids, filing RO and for D) was a giant wake up call for H.
Since my return (5 months) he's cleaned up his act. The difference? H says he never thought I'd do it (really leave).
Journalling:
Abuse. It's a word I still have trouble hearing, and saying.
The people around me who are healthy (IC, my sister, even the mediator) all agree that while I wasn't beaten to a pulp, there was definately abuse present. Friends who are close to our sitch (in various stages of acceptance about using the term abuse) tend to agree that my filing a Restraining Order was a legal move to gain custody and nothing more.
What to do? Choose healthier friends.
It comes down to this. I was so desperate to remain married, at any cost, that I refused to deal with what H admits was 'bad behavior'. I lied to everyone...the ER doc, my closest girlfriends, my pastor. In my mind, I could not accept that calling the police and protecting myself and kids was an option that would improve my life. I thought, "This is the best you can do". Fear kept me from taking a chance that things could be better.
I regret sugar-coating things in front of my kids. With some counseling, they're learning that you need to call people on their BS, even when it's your own Dad. And how, exactly, would they learn to stand up for themselves if their own Mother was a doormat?
Don't misunderstand, it's not that I stand on the corner and try to educate the neighborhood about the perils of Domestic Violence. What is understood, is that if you cross a certain line with Goldey, she will call the cops and you will get arrested.
And as scary as it is, it won't be the end of the world. Peace.