Hey sweetie no one is responsible for your self-esteem and self-worth but you. I know that isn't what you want to hear and it is easier to blame Gabe, but he didn't take those from you.
There are so many good things about yourself but listing them off won't do one bit of good until you start looking at yourself in a different light. You can continue to be miserable because Gabe is gone or you can look at what you do have and make the most of it. Gabe, I am sorry to say, is not all that important in the grand scheme of your current life. The choices you make and the things you do everyday are what defines you now. Don't ever try to define your own self worth by the presence/or lack there of, of someone in your life.
This is your boat now. How are you going to sail it?
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Hey Mishka, Hoping your getting some much needed rest.
Take care.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
rest? What's that? HA! I don't think I've really had good rest in quite a while. Oh well...as I used to say, "I'll rest when I'm dead." I just tend to think that's going to be sooner than later.
I have to work Saturday and can't take my mom to or pick her up from dialysis. I have two people lined up that I alternate between for help with her. Both are out of town this weekend. I'm screwed. I can't find anyone else that can help with this so I guess I'm going to have to swallow my pride and ask Gabe for help. That just sucks! I hate asking him for ANYTHING! It just goes to prove, yet again, that I am not capable of handling my responsibilities. I don't like showing him that. I don't want him to see any sign of weakness in me. I only show weakness to you guys here, no one else in my life is ever allowed to see it. YUCK! I'm just so tired of spinning my wheels everywhere!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Tell him :"Gabe, you either pay for someone to take my mom there with the money you owe me or YOU take her". You are not asking him anything, you are TELLING HIM!!!
Ill? Always. Mainly just working and worrying myself into an early grave though. Stress is NOT my friend.
Found a ride for my mom without having to ask Gabe. I swear, I'd slit my wrists before I'd ask him for anything. I don't care what it takes, I won't ask him for help. He didn't want the responsibility of dealing with my family. He left partially because of my dependence on him for things, I won't do that anymore. If I can't stand on my own feet then I'll just have to fall on my face. Simple.
I got the car registration fixed on my own too. Thankfully, I knew someone who worked there and they pulled the last registration and then just called Gabe to verify that I was being honest about how the registration was supposed to read. YEAH! I didn't have to deal with him at all.
Marc passed summer school. I still don't know if he passed his CRCT math test. His promotion to 9th grade depends on that. The state is so slow with test results.
Work is hell. I'm crazy busy but no hope of getting any of my salary back. How does that work? I work until after 7pm every night with no compensation for it. Of course, if I don't work that much over then the work doesn't get done and my work has major time limits on it or people lose money. It's a lose lose situation.
I've pulled $20 from my emergency stash to take Marc to see Harry Potter on Saturday afternoon after I get off work. It's worth it. We never do fun things together like this.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Spent 3 hours on the phone with my BFF last night. When we get time to talk we get a little carried away. We talked over all the big decisions she has to make over the next year and I told her a little about what has been happening this past week that turned me on my head.
In the end, we didn't solve the world's problems. Heck, we didn't even solve any of our own! We just talked things out like great friends do. Gosh I miss being able to see her face to face. It's convos like this that make me want to move back to CA to be close to her.
All in all, I think I'm coming out of the depression of the last week. It's kind of shocking really since I paid my bills last night and realized that I'm short $370 until the end of the month and that left no money for groceries! Eeekkk....mom to the rescue again.
Speaking of which, last night while I sat on the couch trying to figure out how to keep up with the bills my mom told me flat out, "Whatever you are short just take it. You know how much is in my accounts and I'm not worried about it. I know you'll only use what you have to. You never need to ask my permission."
HOLY COW! That was shocking. She saw the look on my face and the tears in my eyes and realized why I was so upset last night. Right after that is when BFF called and saved me from having to look at the negative in the bank account any longer.
Mom is buying dinner for us all tonight and I have a coupon for a free movie rental. Not sure what to get yet. Any suggestions?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
