what i find difficult about all of this is that my instincts tell me to do one thing, yet i am supposed to do the exact opposite. i now wonder if the W is telling everybody that the D is happening (she has yet to tell me), what would it do to just file the papers and have her served with them? they can always be rescinded anyway.......
btw, had minimal only necessary contact. a text about our son traveling with my parents, and two e-mails i sent regarding different benefit plans (open enrollment). made it, but man that was tough.
This is a very interesting idea. I have also had similar thoughts about this and if it would work. My belief:
It is very important to work on "ME" and to "STAND UP" against D without standing in the way. I jumped out of selfish mode very early on. I showed positive changes with my actions and did not "Talk" about it. I went through the process "with style". I do not think D is the solution for a bad relationship. Forgiveness, compassion, understanding, listening, "real giving" are great tools to get to a relationship with "good communication" where issues can be resolved and the relationship can get on track.
From my POV, I am able to communicate with MsR2c much better now. I have a signed agreement with X as far as parenting. If things need to change, we need to have communication. I can hold my boundaries.
I let wife do all the work to make the D a reality. I held on to my NUTS and have JOINT custody of our kids. Her POV about me was wrong. I was not walking away from my kids. She pulled the rope hard to draw me into arguments, but I did not play her games.
I also believe it is very important to emotionally "Detach" faster than spouse so that you can go through this process logically. Some of the logic is doing things that go against your instincts. The choices we make now affect us our entire life. We want to make the proper choices. It is very hard when our spouse is in selfish mode. We are carrying our marriages through this difficult time.......We make the best choices with the information we know. The more we learn and grow during this period of our lives, the better our future will be......
Just My 2 cents
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Some good two cents there. Not being with my kids every day is the hardest part for me. There was a point in time where I was involved hourly it seems. This every other weekend crap is for the birds, but I absolutely cannot take them away from their mother. I feel it is better to have joint custody.
I agree about learning and growing and working on me. Heck, I am back in my 34 waist pants, and having to wear a belt!!!
