WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 11

[Stronger]

Absolutely she does....and really, isn't that case for 90% of us? The WAS has to figure crap out and we go GAL and work on ourselves?

I agree, for the very very high majority of us, there's nothing "to do" when it comes to the WAS or MLCer, or whatever. We need to GAL and learn to not react and learn to relax and learn there's not much we can do but be supportive to the point we hang on to our self respect.

But in this case, she's been confused the whole time...isn't that a good thing? Wouldn't it REALLY suck if she wasn't and just knew she wanted out 100%?

I think CIPA is rocking this out. If you can't convince them, confuse them--Eisenhower and he's right. At this point, confused is better than certain that she wants out.

My MLCer/WAH was not the norm either....he wanted out, or so he said. Moved in with a buddy came home on the weekends. Then stopped coming home on the weekends but was there pretty much everyday to see our S.

Then there was a two week period in January where the OW was really putting on the charm...so much so that was when he took his first trip to the lawyer. Then she dumped him like a bad habit for another guy. H comes home, devestated but never tells me why, just that he's "sad....and I hate being sad." I'm not a complete schmuck thank you very much. Then things are great and I mean great for about three weeks.

I come home on a Monday, H is all sorts of weird. Right then and there I knew it, she was calling again. And the work together so I knew something happened....turns out she came to work that day with "I'm not sure I like him.....blah blah blah"

So yes, I get back on the roller coaster in February right after Valentines Day. And the ride just slowed down about a month ago. And things are looking up for us.

So I get what you mean in that she's not the norm.....My H did the EXACT same thing in that he NEVER fully went away. He was always around more than he had to be, and of course, blamed me "You set up the childcare schedule so I have to be around this much." No I didn't. Mondays, Wednesdays and every other weekend......Why he was around every other day.....not sure, but that was HIS decision.

My H really really made that turn around the corner when I was finally able to listen to my mother (of all people! love her!) and I was able to let go, to detach and let him think I was going to be able to move on. I even told him "Hey, you don't want to sleep next to this (I point at me) someone will. Get the eff on if you think you can do better." He smiled. I didn't. And he started to initiate R talks at that point. I let him. After I while I started talking back.

Sunday he told me, for the first time that he does want to come home.

We can all do this, but there are going to be little things that each of us are going to have to wing it and go with our gut. It might work, it might not, but in the end we do know our spouses better than anyone else here so....

And by NO MEANS whatsoever do I believe I'm out of the woods, H and I are going to start writing our renewal vows.....but I have more hope now than ever before. And couple of times, I went out on my own.....I went with my gut. But I will give credit where credit is due....I got this far with all of you, not by myself. I WOULD be divorced now if it wasn't for this place.