That quote is making me tear up! What an awesome quote. If I can stick it out and he comes out of it, I can see how things could be much better even than they were before EVENTUALLY - having him change as well for the better through all of this crap. I know I have. I am WAAAY more patient with everyone especially the kids, I finally have my priorities right, I have learned to be very independent, my faith is stronger than ever, etc. I can also tell it will take a very long time to be able to trust him again, even if/when he does come out of it.
His MLC symptoms - the spending (boatloads of new clothes), friends who are much younger (tho I am not sure how much they have been hanging out lately - seems less), dressing half his age, dying his hair (but he has stopped that - maybe a good sign? - it was so strange to me because he had always said he liked his little bit of gray - it made him feel distinguished), doesn't want to tell me anything (I guess the MLC control issue), the SELFISH behavior, etc. I don't think there is an OW at this point but of course I am not so stupid that I don't realize I could be wrong, especially as far as a possible EA or inappropriate "friendship" goes. I really don't think a PA though.
Fortunately for me, though, he has not become mean to the point he is yelling, calling me names, being mean to the kids (other than neglect), etc. Just the huge mean of being willing to turn his back on his family because he needs a new life. Whatever.
Day by day, I guess. If you can get them to go, does a C help someone in MLC or not? Do they just have to get to the point where they realize they need to "fix" themselves? He is def not ready for a C yet.
Trusting,
Not sure I've posted to you before, and not sure if you want to hear what I have to say....
IF, and I mean IF this is MLC, this is a long road girl. There will be times when you want to say screw it and move on.
There are NO guarantees in this, none that he will ever come out of the fog.
This will be the hardest thing you will ever face, and will test you to the limits.
If you want to save this, and are willing to put the work in. Then there are some incredible people here that can point you in the right direction.
You must first be willing to do the work on you, regardless of what he is doing.
There are things you will hear that will make you cringe when you hear them ....over and over.
First thing is to read the MLC resources, and truly understand what is happening right now, then let it go for now, and look inward for the answers that you may never get. After some time, the answers are less important, and the questions change.
This time needs to be about YOU....Bottom line.
Take the Focus off of what he is doing and look to you.
Take some time and read some of the Archives too.....
Whether or not this is MLC isn't really important right now, don't try to figure it out. You will only drive yourself insane doing that. No two are the same, so someone else's path need not apply to you directly....
Please, do what YOU need to do for now.....
Things will happen in time, and you will either know...or it won't matter as much to know.....
