Hi all, I am so sad. H and I had dinner on Sunday and I brought it up...he seemed hesitant that it was pointless if he's already made up his mind, but did ask about dates and that he would think about it (maybe he was just trying to appease me). He called today to pick something up and I asked him about it again - since he'll be leaving for about 7 weeks and program is right after he gets back. I'm afraid it pushed him away... he kept saying he does not want to go and wants to start papers sooner rather than later. This is the worst time - my mom is going in for open heart surgery tomorrow...I am scared for her and devastated about my marriage. Every time I cling on to a small bit of hope, it is squashed again. My friends keep telling me 'he's gone'... he still blames me for everything and why we are here - that he tried before and i was difficult, or that i'd put him down over the yrs. He is re-writing history, seeing me only as the bad guy (i've taken ownership of what i've done), and pushing to be done.
I asked to go to Retro for healing/closure/communication and I'm afraid it might have backfired...but at the same time I wanted answers and not to leave in limbo. I think he's done. What can I do - besides pray, i go to church every day - to see if he might be willing to go in Sept when he returns?? I can drop it for now and pick it up again then, but i just feel he wants to walk away completely from this marriage and is set on D. Help! I feel so alone and devastated...how will I get through this?
