WAW and 4 kids

[tryingtilDorR]

Deep:

the most painful part of the process (to me) was AFTER she decided to stay on in the marriage (i.e. made the choice), but was very clear she was sacrificing her true love and personal happiness for the sake of the kids. Was I thankful for the choice? of course! But could any man live the rest of his life with a woman as his W under those circumstances? Well, not me. But as hard as it is, it finally sinks in that you CAN'T change that either.

Back in March when I proved the EA was going on and she decided to try to 'end' it I was in this situation exactly. She was not happy and said she was doing it for her kids, etc. but we both acknowledged that this wasn't a long-term sustainable situation for either of us.

She later drifted back into talking to OM again and things have gotten worse from there. I am trying to get things back to where I had them in March, but with a better plan on my part (DB, Detatching, GAL, etc etc) now that I have learned a lot more about what doesn't work.

I remember once (very calmly) telling her exactly what I would say and do if I was trying to woo her as a married W, or as OM in other words.

When you did this, I take it that the painful part for her was hearing the 'lines' that she fell for which pointed out how weak she had been or the fact that it wasn't all the marriage's fault, but that she was trying to fill a void within herself?

But beyond what Cobra said about offering her choices, my humble opinion is that you also offer her support to gradually see the light.

Yes I want to do this by W seeing how fulfilling life can be with your family intact and your chosen life partner as part of that. It is like what I quoted from someone else - "like trying to get a scared animal to eat out of your hand". I am trying to figure out what that translates into without pursuing her or trying too hard. Tricky stuff but there are great examples out there.