For the Guy with Kids and a WW 24

[hopeful4her]

Karen, I just caught up on you. I just love your outlook on things and your tenacity.

I miss chatting with y'all, but it was time to move on from here. It helped me so much.

The day after she had seen us, which was a Friday evening, I had gone to pick up my kids from the apartment because she had to work. She works that Saturday she has the kids, so it means extra time for me with my kiddos. I pick them up after she leaves, we go to lunch and maybe a book store or a movie or the mall. Taking them back when she got off of work, she was acting really pissy. Turns out that I had a "mark" on each side of my neck that I didn't know about. It all came to a head later, on moving day at her new house. She reacted ugly to a question that I asked her. I called her on it and we kind of started to get into it.
She started to say how she had to go get some more things out of the house, which she informs me is still hers too, before I move someone in. I asked her what that the heck she was talking about and she says she saw me at the store the other night, that "she's already marked her territory". She tells me that she tried to manuever to not have D8 see us. I asked her why she felt the need to do that and informed her that I had no idea that I had the marks and that I was upset when I found out about them.

She tells me, "Just get the F out of here! You make me sick!" and starts to walk off to go inside.

I called her on that too. Kids are in the car, I follow her to her porch. I ask her what she is so upset about. She says that she's NOT upset, "in fact I'm glad, I'm RELIEVED!" I tell her "I just bet you are".
She says, "Look, I'm having sex, your having sex, so were happy. I have my house, two stories, my hardwood floors....I got what I wanted." She said it so cold. Not about me, about HIM. I told her that I wanted to make sure that he wasn't going to leave them high and dry and not stick it out. She tells me she that if something happens, she'll move her sister in.

So she's already thought of a back up plan. I wonder if he knows this.

So all in all, I would say that she was NOT happy to have realized that I'm seeing someone.

As far as her sickness, I have no idea how she is. I've sent a couple email requests that have gone unanswered. I know she read them.

Beej, a courtesy. I don't hate her. I'm concerned for her. I don't expect her to inform me of everything. But letting me know how she is doing because I asked would have been a nice thing to do. It wouldn't matter if I was seeing someone or not. She isn't going to have me take care of her, and I wouldn't. The way you put it was silly. I could say were still married, but not in her eyes. We don't live as husband and wife, we don't interact as husband and wife, we don't do ANYTHING as husband and wife. Me NOT seeing someone is NOT going to change that for her. Its our reality. She has completely changed things by moving in with him.

Maybe not divorcing her so quickly as you want me to, is my way of leaving the door open. I've thought about that. As much as I've said that I'm done with her. You didn't divorce your husband. Good thing. Look at you now. One of the very lucky few. I'm not regretting anything I've done. I'm letting life take a natural flow, without manipulating it. What happens, happens. What will be, will be. I'm living with purpose. It may not be the "right" way, but I can look at myself in the mirror and know that I'm not the reason for the breakup of my marriage and family.

I'm not asking you to be happy happy for me. I'm not asking you to agree with me. Because of your faith, your tone to me IS very judging and preaching. I realize my Pastor would not agree with how I'm handling things, but I know he also wouldn't look down upon me and constantly remind me of my wrongdoing every time we spoke. I also know that if my marriage does end in divorce, it's not because of me, or

And its not because of someone else. I could take it or leave it. Yes, I'm having fun. I've informed A that I don't need anyone to complete me, just as she shouldn't. That I don't intend to make the same mistakes that I've made in my past relationship, that she knows my sitch and that my kids come first over ANYONE else.

For two weeks out of each and every month, I am completely out of pocket. I have my girls. She knows that I still have love for my wife and care about her. I've been very up front with her. I've told her that neither of us know how long we'll last, so we take each day as a gift and that she is not the only person in my life, because I have a full life.

Kat, I'm done "fighting". I'm living now and trying to find peace and balance in my life.

Suga, never say never, right? If I ever come across that bridge, I'll cross it then, you know?

My kids are doing GREAT and are adjusting fine. D12 had a major issue with the new living arrangements. She was upset about it, as was I, but not much we can do. She doesn't care for him, but she says he is nice. I had to man up and let her know that she shouldn't NOT like him just because I don't. As long as he's nice to her and she thinks he's nice, she should try to get along with him. I've told her to not be afraid to speak her mind. I've also told her that if she really doesn't like him, that she doesn't have to pretend to. I've told that she is NOT making a choice between us. Just that things are what they are and we need to make the best of what we have.

I have great kids. They love me and try to protect me. A few months ago, my two older ones were BEGGING me to move on. I kept telling them I was. D12 finds it funny, the women I talk to. We've discussed marriage. She knows how things should have been handled. She knows that if you get married, it should be forever and when problems arise, you do everything you can to work it out. She's even told her mother that. That she's learned what marriage is about from me. She told her that in front of me.

And I have great friends and family. I'm going to be okay. Hopefully, my wife will be okay too.