Hi optimist,
I got home late today and had a busy day at work.
But hey everyone gave you the best advice possible.... breathe in... breath out slowly.... count to 10 ( backwards and in another language if possible so it takes you longer i do it in german LOL ) and don't let your mind trick you into thinking the worst. Our mind has a tendency to make things way worse than what they are - and they thought me having a good imagination was good when I was at school!!!!

The confronting part should always be done when you're completely calm if possible, and what happens is after we calm down we rationalize things better and don't need to confront anymore.

Meanwhile keep in mind that he is there with you, and it is his choice to be there with you. Yes it's important to clarify things that we don't understand but we need to use the best timing advantage here. IN my own case I figured that in the beginning it wasn't the best time to ask anything or confront. He was in a defensive mode anyways which means that he will only hear me until he felt he was being attacked and after that he would be thinking on all the ways he could defend himself instead of listening to what I was saying.
I did write all the things I needed an explanation or answer in a little book to ask him when the time was better. And later I made it available for him to write down answers if he so wished. In our case when it comes to important stuff like this, that includes feelings and reasons for actions he is better doing it by writing so he can read it calmly, and not be hindered by that defense mechanism and then answer also in a more relaxed way. What happened however was that as time passed and I kept seeing that he really meant to work in this marriage with me, some of the things that were so important for me to know at one point, became less important, and some questions I didn't even need an answer for. I marked down in the book which ones I really wanted to focus on and the ones that he could answer but weren't that important anymore.
Eventually - after a while - he started writing his answers slowly.
Hope you are feeling a bit better by now I"ll be back later tonight.
Big hug
nightshade

"Each and every one of us is deserving of a kind word, a gentle thought and the gift of understanding. "