There have been developments and I am writing here instead of screaming my suspicions in the phone. Need some input ASAP!
Everything went great last night (and this morning ). But a few minutes ago I went to pick up our mail to the P.O. Box. My H has had his mail forwarded there from OW's house (and ours also) and amongs all the usual junk there was a letter from a Land & Title company, addressed to my H at OW's house. It had no explanation and only a cheque for $20 from the title company payable to him. The memo said interest credit EL03-159356 Jacob (not OW's name)/H's name. I jumped to conclusions immediately and went to the net. I searched title records for both nearer counties and could not find any files under his name or the other that looked suspicious.
Should I confront him? I am not going to believe anything he says anyway (unless it is what I fear). What do I do?
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
Hi Opt and a belated welcome to piecing and what a first week it has been for you here! I had nearly complete my first post to you on my "coffee" break when the IT dept. booted me off to install some new software. So let's see if I can recreate it...
I had actually printed out this thread and only had time to read it late last nite after everyone went to sleep. I had a couple of remarks about the past couple of days, but I see you posted this morning so let me go directly to your current dilemma...
Try to prevent your mind with running away with all the possible scenarios of what this piece of mail is about. It really is counterproductive because chances are it will take you in the wrong direction. If the name Jacob is on there and there is no reference to OW other than the address he once resided at, then it most likely has nothing to do with her. It just only be about a piece of real estate H was consider as an investment. If its a credit, it might be something he decided back out of...
The point is not to take it personally ... its probable that it something that has nothing to do with you or OW.
So say nothing ... give a chance at making the first move ... when he comes home and looks at the mail, he may offer an explanation that would dissolve your fears without any prompting ... would that be better than firing the first volley?
Sorry to rush thru this but I wanted to post this before losing it again.
Should I confront him? I am not going to believe anything he says anyway (unless it is what I fear). What do I do?
NOTHING. Stop being suspicious and snoopy about everything. He is with you, and I understand that everything is under the microscope now - but if you bug him, you are just going to drive him away again.
You want him to want to be with you. So just be that person and stop with everything else.
Thanks KAW. I know I should not jump to conclusions but it is not easy. At least I managed to get to the BB before I talked to him, and checking the board for answers has helped me not call him screaming.
I suspect that H is not going to mention it if even he looks at the mail (which he seldom does). That is usually his way of dealing with threating stuff: he either denies or ignores. I may have to bring it up, somehow. And, about the name, OW had told me she had suspected him of having other romantic involvements (which could be a bunch of sh** designed to make me even madder, I know).
I FEEL I NEED A BRAIN TRANSPLANT!!!!....
I hate rollercoasters!
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
I was not snooping dfb: I always get the mail from the box and always go through it because my H never checks it. If it were for him, we'd have no water, electricity, or credit cards. And I wish I could stop being suspicious. I need to know where that particular mental switch is: I cannot find it. It was all I could do to stop everything I was supposed to be doing and come to the BB instead.
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
Hi Optimist, I agree with KAW that you should try to hold on and see if he offers an explanation first. Maybe leave the mail out so that he knows you've seen it, but don't be obvious that you're waiting for some kind of response. Or could you not be home when he comes home? Opt, this will be a challenging one. I know your emotions are going crazy. Things have been going so well for you, remember "will it bring him closer or push him farther away?" Also, I get the impression that OW really depends on your H to help her with a lot of life stuff that she doesn't know how to do. Also, it seems like he's starting to feel resentful towards her about it. Maybe this is something he was helping her with before and since has removed himself, hence the rebate? Hang in there! PS Can you stop by mine again. I feel like I screwed up.
I wouldn't mention it, speaking from experience here, having driven my H much further away with questions and emotions and anger.
He is home and definitely appears to be working on you two spending time together. I would just TRY to keep quiet and see what happens. I KNOW that is much easier said than done. At least for me it is!
I'm pulling for you to get through this without it being a crisis for the two or you!
KEEP POSTING!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Going with the rest on this one. Can you tell yourself, if by Monday I am still feeling crappy about this, I will confront him about it. Give yourself some time to cool off, but also giving you a back up plan and permission then to confront him. And then the iron will be cold. Asking him about it while your emotions are running high is going to do no good (isn't it so easy to be resonable on other people's threads?)
If OW is a needy thing, that is going to get really old. Let her screw up all on her own, keep smiling and think of your lipstick on his face! Maybe get some on his collar next time?
Thanks, Jackie: I like your suggestion of giving myself a deadline to bring it up. I will cool off and show him the check tonight and see what he says. If I am not satified, I will bring it up again next week. How does that sound?
Who knows, he might surprise and tell me the truth for a change...
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
The snooping came about with the title search and stuff on the computer. Letting yourself think the worst thoughts and then wanting to confront him. You can't do that, or he isn't going to stick around. That doesn't mean you can't sit down and say it's going to take a while to trust him again, but not in an emotional, upset type of way.
). But a few minutes ago I went to pick up our mail to the P.O. Box. My H has had his mail forwarded there from OW's house (and ours also) and amongs all the usual junk there was a letter from a Land & Title company, addressed to my H at OW's house. It had no explanation and only a cheque for $20 from the title company payable to him. The memo said interest credit EL03-159356 Jacob (not OW's name)/H's name.
I had nearly complete my first post to you on my "coffee" break when the IT dept. booted me off to install some new software. 
So let's see if I can recreate it...
