Maybe I should send it to D9 and D17's counselors. Could make for an interesting session with Dad this week when I am out of town, especially the part about the kids and infidelity.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
And, what was so amazing to me was that my W said all but 2 of the list items to me at one time or another... This discussion just reminded me of lines from the script...
What gives it all the more credence to me is how many times I've read others write that their WAS has said these lines verbatim. We all believe our lives are unique, yet there are repeating patterns in all walks of life. This one just happens to be with respect to one of life's very traumatic experiences.
New: What a Weekend
H-48 WAW-49 M-22 S-14,9 D-11 EA disc.-11/07 PA disc.-3/08 EA2?-6/08 to ?
i think you should prepare yourself to find out that she is still in contact with the OM or is planning to and will soon. probably while you are at work.
SteveMcQueen's law: when you feel you are 100% sure; you are blind to what is really going on in her head.
i also think you should find something to do with your boys several nights a week. go to the diamond and play baseball, get out of the house and toss the football and get them ice cream and come home late. find a family orientated taekwondo program and take them there several times a week. occupy them and your mind. The BS you are going through is going to affect them more than you can ever imagine. IS affecting them. if you get to caught up in the dealings with your wife you may not notice them withdrawing or overlook their behavior changes. Strength and Honor as Mules writes.
So W comes to me this morning and says she is sorry that she hurt me regarding the affair.
She says that doesn't change anything about filing for D, but she is sorry that she hurt me.
I said thank you that means alot
I said I'm certainly sorry for the things I have done that hurt you.
I also said that I do not want a divorce, but understand that she needs to do what's best for her.
She said she refuses to live like this anymore. Says that Monday night when I kicked her out of bed and treated her like a whore and didn't comfort her as she cried was the last straw.
She said she was planning to speak with an attorney and I said OK. I told her that that I will also go retain an attorney, new checking account, stop 401K contributions, switch direct deposit.
She gets upset and says I will try and screw her during a divorce by bringing up the PA with OM so she will not get alimony.
Says that 3 years ago she used to feel like the most important woman in the world and now she feels like a crack whore.
I'm not sure I handled this interaction very well. Any advice?
Last edited by lowneil; 07/15/0912:36 PM.
Me 38 / W 37 M 14 yrs S 11/S8 First Bomb: 3/6/2009 EA Second Bomb: 6/4/2009 PA Same House Separate Rooms
W came back in my office and continued to talk to me about how much I have hurt her over the past 3 years. I did more listening this time.
She said that she hopes I understand the sacrifices she made during our marriage and how they came from her love for me.
She said she just wanted me to love and respect her and she could not live like this anymore.
She said she never thought she would be 38 years old and starting over and she never thought she would be the kind of person who would have an affair.
I continued to listen. She once again apologized for hurting me by having an affair and said that was never her intent.
I finally said, I appreciate you sharing all of this and know you are going through a tough time. But, I need to get to work. Can we talk some more when you get home tonight.
She is still talking about divorce.
Again, need some advice on how I am handling this and what I should do tonight when she gets home.
Me 38 / W 37 M 14 yrs S 11/S8 First Bomb: 3/6/2009 EA Second Bomb: 6/4/2009 PA Same House Separate Rooms
Other than not saying, "sorry you feel that way (like a crack whore)", I don't think it was that bad. You could have avoiding tipping your hand about opening account, yada yada, just so she doesn't drain the account first, but water under the bridge. I know it looks sucky, but to me this feels like a woman trying to change the dynamic. You know that not comforting her wasn't the straw that broke the camel's back and either was moving back into the bed. She's trying to hit the right button...maybe seeing if you are still on the hook. I think her tune will change if your patient.
What is different about your bedroom? Is the computer in there? Are there things that she does at night that now she can't...like chat with OM? It's just so weird. If the computer is in there, I'd put a keylogger on it.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
