Of course, as we talked, her continuing to speak of the years that went into her decision, the hurt she feels, the lack of trust, etc. I listened and validated. I made my point of understanding that but I have reached a point of change and I feel the marriage could be healed and that I don't think divorce will heal or fix her pain. But I said space and time will be good for both of us so separation is probably good, as we both have tough decisions ahead.
I don't think there's anything wrong with telling her that. It's possible to VALIDATE, without AGREEING. "I'm sorry you feel that way, I really am. I still feel that our marriage could be healed and I really don't think that divorce will heal or fix our pain. It's not what I what, but I hear you that you do."
Uneventful weekend. Went to our friends' 1 yr old birthday party and had a nice time. Yesterday I did my GAL stuff and let her and S spend time alone. I am sensing more of the "not feeling well" stuff like before (last weekend), so I suspect she is stress/conflicted again about things still. I am not probing or trying to rescue her this time though; she knows she can talk to me if she wants.
H35 W34 S4 | T-10 yrs M-6 yrs WAW said M over 04/09 | Living separate since 09/09 Thread #1 Thread #2 Thread #3
Was thinking about you over this weekend. Yours sounds like you are handling it the right way. They have to sort through their feelings and conflict. Signs of confusion/conflict are good though. But, as you know, just keep focusing on you and wait an see if she begins to thaw. She needs to see you moving on with your life.
I think the one area I need to do a better job is really the GAL and detachment in a more meaningful manner. We are still spending a lot of time together, and I don't think that allows the space for her to fully realize and appreciate what her decision will mean.
And yep, do have the FB thing.
H35 W34 S4 | T-10 yrs M-6 yrs WAW said M over 04/09 | Living separate since 09/09 Thread #1 Thread #2 Thread #3
GAL and especially working on detachment have helped me immensely. Really allows you to give yourself teh gift of self respect. And, helped me to put things in perspective.
As for the FB, if you want, go there and do a search on GivingIt MyAll. I hear there is a DB group there.
Last couple of days have been sort of the same as before. WAW engages me in conversation after work, telling me about her day and such. I appreciate this opportunity to listen and show her I am interested. We have had some nice interactions and just spending OK time in the evening. I have also been continuing to focus on playing with the kid, having fun with him as I don't know how much time I will get in the future.
WAW has made plans to visit her sister in a few weeks, and certainly it seems then that the progress for us selling the house and living apart is still not as urgent as she made it to be last week. Nonetheless, I am sure it will progress that way still.
She complimented me this morning on a new shirt I got. Glad she is noticing!
H35 W34 S4 | T-10 yrs M-6 yrs WAW said M over 04/09 | Living separate since 09/09 Thread #1 Thread #2 Thread #3
Just keep doing what you are doing. As far as what the future holds, you don't what will happen. Rather than assume the worst, flip it around. Maybe she won't push selling the house.
Hope for the best and prepare for the worst.
One of my big changes is leaving the pessemist behibd and become an optimist. Coach turned me on to Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman. Check it out.
WAW has a realtor coming this weekend to take a look at the house and tell us what needs to be done to get it on the market. Know this is coming but it sucks when it gets more real.
H35 W34 S4 | T-10 yrs M-6 yrs WAW said M over 04/09 | Living separate since 09/09 Thread #1 Thread #2 Thread #3
