Stepping out and Stepping UP!

[cagzmom]

holding up - well my glue is drying!

I am doing ok. Trying to really get to the next level of letting go. For those who read this board it is probably wierd to hear and I still believe in standing - but I also believe that you can't change someone you can only change yourself. AND I REALLY believe that now.

I am angry, but not the same way I was before. Oh I'd like to punch x in the face but I wont. Thats who I used to be but seriously - I won't react.

I am sure some day if I meet someone that I too will want to share that person with my kids. AND I am trying hard to do as you had suggested, just support my daughter.

I am staying away from him for now. Don't want to see him. If that means locking myself in the bathroom when she leaves and comes home, then for now that is what I will do. I really have nothing to say to him. NOTHING and he doesn't have any "need" for me or of me so what is the point?

What is so dumb is that I CANT see his face - if I did it would mess with my mind. I NEED to see him for who he is right now or I guess who he has been for the last 2 years. A liar, sneak, cheat, and really just not a nice person. AND YES I KNOW the MLC monster "has ahold of him" - but it IS who he has CHOSEN to become.

While I was leaving for work today adn walking to the car I started thinking about when he left. All the "granduous" plans he had.. Oh d12 I will come and take you out to eat. You can call me - I will call you bla bla bla. NOTHING has he done that he said he would do -- ACCEPT LEAVE.

His words mean nothing - His actions show everything.. and yes I am angry