It seems to be working.... sometimes #2

[sandycay]

Hi guys,

Thanks for the prayers. I don't have time to post individually to all but I am reading here and there and pulling the nightshift from 8-6am with my mom so my Step dad can get some sleep.

Well, it seems my H is flying here tomorrow with the kids. Originally the kids and I were coming on that day for a visit (planned 3 months ago) but last we talked the kids were going to fly out here on their own. So that will be weird as we really haven't been talking much at all. He wants to live in his little happy fantasy land of no consequences and I have to detach... I am not sure how to do that when he is here with out seeming "biatchy". I mean I know he will want to hug me and we will be forced to sleep in same bed which (in which he will want bow chicka wow wow) so I don't know how to refuse without seeming harsh. That wwould be a 180 for me to do but for the first time in 19 years I DON"T WANT HIS LYING HANDS ON ME! UGGH I hope the decision comes soon as I don't like living like this and I am sure he won't either.

He'll have his snarky little laugh after I continually refuse his advances or attempts to be nice and then he will just ignore me and act nonchalant and that will aggravate me and we will rinse and repeat. Oh and his claim the other day he doesn't want to start feeling like he did 2 years ago (before the bomb) WTF... you make yourself feel that way... go ahead step off just let me know this time so I can KICK your A@@ to the curb properly.

Feel the anger.... I am tempering all this crap and emotions and it's eating me alive. I dont' want to end up despising this man but that's something I can only pray about.