BM....it's new for anyone here. My job is to do the right thing for the kids.
This morning, I woke up...and I stared at my bedroom. I stared out the window...looked at the decorative molding and work done in the BMR....felt the warmth and comfort of my bed...and, like a prisoner on deathrow, began to feel my time slipping thru my fingers.
Loss....not of my M/STBXW...but my home...and time with my kids. It is around the corner.
Mr. Spock...in Star Trek..once said....the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one (?KerryK?). The needs of my children....outweigh my needs and, I, like many here...and other men....will most likely have to 'forfeit' my home to an angry and vindictive person who wants something for nothing.
Fighting, for this...in NY....would be costly and at what price?
AV8R Jeff........
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
My friend, I have no doubt at all that you will do right by your kids. It is not only men who lose their home because of the behavior and vindictiveness of their spouses. It is sad to think of it, I know.
I truly believe that those of us who chose to do the right thing, even when it wasnt the best thing for us, will, in the end, be rewarded. When we look in the mirror, we can like and respect who we see and our children will respect us. That to me is a win.
You always told me I would be ok and I believed you. You will be ok.
Hey FIB, just one thing for you today. Settling does not mean bending over and taking it without lube or anything. You can settle without getting screwed. Do not give up $50k equity to settle a $17k debt. You can always ask for the judge to order a short sale of the house and pay her the 17K out of the proceeds.
I am just saying, don't settle for less than you have to just to avoid a 17k payment. It's workable.
be careful with your thoughts about the things you will do for the kids with the settlement......because you may not feel that way when the divorce is over......because she will likely move a man in the house or sell and move the kids to her new mans house....I just think people try to hang on to the house or ever the one who gives it up does it to be nice or for the kids..its likely...things will change fairly soon anyway for the kids in regards to the house....and all....u know just do what makes sense...just be careful...to give away the farm.....the things u do just to get it done when you are tired and weary may haunt u.....just somehting to think about....and especially for u as it has been going on forever and I am sure you want it done....
listen to ian and grace. Peace is great, but not at all costs.
And as for her family, I'm baffled. Are you saying they're all nuts? Seriously now, how can they all be blind to her wackiness and believe what about you? You are satan? WTH? How did it that come to this? Have you ever sat down and said "hey I don't want to bash her- but I DO want a decent R with YOU, so how can we work that out?"
Just a thought. Oh, and wear a kevlar vest... (( )) j
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
As usual for me, I come away from this dazed and confused. Today was a hearing for the orders of protection and the CPS findings. Separate hearing...separate judge from the D.
My L chatted with her L for about 20 minutes. They both agreed to mutually accepting the O of P's. STBXW refused, i.e., refused to agree to one for her (doesn't want to agree she did anything wrong). Last time...we both agreed and it was done. Therefore, ADJOURNED to 8/19 for ANOTHER hearing and possibly TRIAL (oh crap). UNLESS....we can come to a settlement before hand which I told my L that we need to do.
Problems: -financial appraisal final draft is out and her L "finds it confusing". According to my L, she won't deserve maintenance (spousal support) -L says there is too much equity in the house to just sign it over...the house is the sticking point for now. Since the kids stay in the house, obviously, I will be the one to have to leave.
CPS: the initial finding is that the kids are 'minimally' affected by the D, so, no substantiated reasons for anyone to be removed, so, positive is that I AM STILL IN THE HOUSE...at least until 8/10.
Originally Posted By: Judge
....you are closer to the end now....you both once loved each once and respected each other...I am not concerned about your marital issues but I DO care about the kids. Act as if..play a good role....until this is finished.
The only thing that REALLY bugged me today...and...after hearing it...I missed about 5 minutes of what my L was telling me...was that the CPS report used the word 'manipulative' with me. L was not sure if it implied toward STBXW or the investigator. Man...is that bugging me.....HOW???????? The report is privy only to the judge so I guess I will never know.
Also..with regards to the amount I owe...the figures by her L were calculated wrong, so, I am off the hook for paying in 30 days. HOWEVER...to get an official stay, would require a hearing. That in itself would cost probably more than the difference that I owe.
Originally Posted By: L
She looks very happy and has a sparkle in her eye. I'll bet she has someone else in the wings
So....drags on. Two court dates in August....D date and hearing date for STBXW's refusal to agree to mutual orders of protection. Will still owe her atty's fees but the due date is now later. L is going to discuss with B atty and my L showed STBXW's L the B atty's card to show we are looking at options. According to my L, "he wants to settle, not go to trial."
But what will STBXW do?
(sigh) This sucks.
Manipulative..what the heck was that????
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
As usual for me, I come away from this dazed and confused.
Been dazed and confused for so long its not true, Wanted a woman, never bargained for you. Lots of people talk and few of them know, Soul of a woman was created below. yeah! You hurt and abused tellin all of your lies, Run around sweet baby, lord how they hypnotize. Sweet little baby, I dont know where youve been, Gonna love you baby, here I come again. Every day I work so hard Bringin home my hard earned pay Try to love you baby, but you push me away. Dont know where youre goin Only know just where youve been, Sweet little baby, I want you again. Been dazed and confused for so long, its not true, Wanted a woman, never bargained for you. Take it easy baby, let them say what they will. Will your tongue wag so much when I send you the bill?
Them Led Zeppelin boys sure seemed like they must have been hurt in some relationships when you listen closer to their lyrics.
FIB, you made a good summary at the end - THIS SUCKS!
In the end, I still think you are going to come out ok. Just another month.
What kerry said... and was it ME and my smokin'/partying days or did I miss the whole Led Zeppelin lyrics thing? YES I recall their songs and have ticket stubs to prove I actually attended concerts, but THOSE lyrics make sense!!! I know I would have recalled them if i heard them, and was sober...ah, I've identified the problem. I was 19...never mind.
SOOO, another month and as for her stupid eyes & sparkle, assuming it's not drug induced, why care? For all we know, she thinks she's won!! Which we do NOT CARE ABOUT! Remember?
I can't wait for her to DATE in rl, and listen to her talk 2 or 3 years from now about how great it ALL is out there....yeah, she'll just LOVE the whole world of OM soon enough. Oh wait, I forgot the types she likes. Nope, she's not the "stayin' married" type. Just mho.
Hey what matters is how YOU ARE DOING and you will be fine. Someday not too far from now, you will be alright. FIB, hold on. This really is the last lap.
And don't spend too much time wondering about your alleged "manipulation"...blah blah blah. WE ARE ALL Manipulative in some circumstances. You are with your patients, aren't you? Don't you manipulate them into changing their life styles? I manipulate my kids all the time and I HOPE I can manipulate my h, (I mean with decorating ideas mostly...so far...)
The guy probably had to say something bad about you to look "objective". If that's the worst thing he said, big deal. Besides, oh yeah, you have NO control over that. So if you see him again, express concern b/c you "don't want to be manipulative" and therefore you would love for him to ID how and when it occurred cuz you are always open to personal growth, blah blah blah....if you get a chance. If not, drop it!
(( j ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
25...KK...love u guys. Treated myself....went man shopping tonite...new shoes...new shirts....needed that.
Need a settlement. Need a settlement.. F
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
My best friend gave me the best advice He said each day's a gift and not a given right Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind And try to take the path less traveled by That first step you take is the longest stride
If today was your last day And tomorrow was too late Could you say goodbye to yesterday? Would you live each moment like your last? Leave old pictures in the past Donate every dime you have? If today was your last day
Against the grain should be a way of life What's worth the prize is always worth the fight Every second counts 'cause there's no second try So live like you'll never live it twice Don't take the free ride in your own life
If today was your last day And tomorrow was too late Could you say goodbye to yesterday? Would you live each moment like your last? Leave old pictures in the past Donate every dime you have? Would you call old friends you never see? Reminisce old memories Would you forgive your enemies? Would you find that one you're dreamin' of? Swear up and down to God above That you finally fall in love If today was your last day
If today was your last day Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart? You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars Regardless of who you are So do whatever it takes 'Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life Let nothin' stand in your way Cause the hands of time are never on your side
If today was your last day And tomorrow was too late Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last? Leave old pictures in the past Donate every dime you have? Would you call old friends you never see? Reminisce old memories Would you forgive your enemies? Would you find that one you're dreamin' of? Swear up and down to God above That you finally fall in love If today was your last day
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
