Charlie Brown Update

[CharlieBrown]

All,

It has been about a month and I could use some advice.

W has been back from training for over a month and life has been really crappy for us since due to her work demands. She has been on the road a lot and once she is home, on the computer until 10 or 11 (she is in pharma sales). I thought at first that this was because of her being new and a learning curve, but I now believe her boss (D.I.N.K.) expects it. Obviously, ML (or date night, or picking up the kids, grocery shopping, whatever) is not a priority and it is already taking a toll on our family and my job (not cool when the boss is cutting out at 3:30 everyday to pick his kids up and not able to travel).

Anyway, I don't want to sound like I am complaining because I know how many people are suffering financially and we were really blessed for her to be hired so quickly after being downsized, but...

She is out of town at a conference for 4 days and totally miserable. Before she left we talked Saturday night about the possibility of her being a stay at home mom. Things have happened recently in our business that have allowed me to have a good year (again, I apologize to those who aren't but it is relevant to the sitch) and I am finally able to pay off my school loans and put away enough "rainy day" money that we could have her stay home. We have never been in a financial position to do this and I am really proud that my situation is providing that option. I fell very blessed.

Sounds great, right? Well...

Thing is, I have seen the pattern all too often (including on her) where this has the opposite effect on the marriage and ml than what I am hoping for. Frankly, if she is not going to focus on the m and ml is not going to improve, I would prefer we keep the income and she should find another job. So, I told her this Saturday. My thought was that she is not quitting her job, she is accepting a different job and in that job I will have expectations, such as truly partnering with me on improving the marriage and our sl, taking good care of herself by working out, becoming more active in the kids education, including spending more time at school, etc. I wasn't a wuss about it either, so thanks for all the NMMNG tips.

Here is my question. I just found out tonight that my mid-year bonus is going to be what I was hoping and we could have her put in her notice if that is the decision. But, I want to reinforce my expectations and her commitments from Saturday so that there is no ambiguity. How do I do this without beating a dead horse? I was thinking of writing a mock offer letter to her explaining the job and why I think she is a great candidate or a mock letter to her boss explaining why she is taking her "new job" and what her qualifications are, or, we could sit down and talk again when she flies back tomorrow night. Thoughts?

CB