Over the Shock and GALing 6

[Thinker]

If you have been following, you have noticed the large number of times I have been caught off-guard and baffled recently at my W's exclamations of "Why are you so selfish! Why is everything always all about you! etc" - normally precipitated by almost minuscule disagreements.

I've noticed too, and have been thinking about it.

The disagreements themselves are not material - the exclamations are not about those.

And the exclamations are so consistent and so frequent that this has to be the core of my W's anger and frustration with the M.

I have trouble with it because it conflicts with my own beliefs about myself - with my own resentment and feeling that I have been sacrificing myself for my W and my family - until recently taking care of everyone else but me.

But with my C's help today, I think I see it a bit more clearly. From my W's point of view, I called the shots through most of our M. It was my job, my career that moved us around, my (louder and more strongly stated) opinions that got heard, etc. Regardless of how I see the past and my view on what happened, she feels like she didn't have a say. She feels her opinions and beliefs and desires were not respected and valued. She feels that our married life was about me, and not about her.


My version of our history is a bit different, and I don't take full blame as she likes to apportion it. Some of what she is seeing is history rewritten, but in many ways, she is right...

It seems so obvious in hindsight.

So at least this helps me understand where the outbursts are coming from.