Hello Kittyfish & Sandi2!

[Thinker]

I could see things possibly going in that direction given that from my W's perspective the OM has "raised the bar" (totally unrealistically) with regards to an "ideal" R. (Not that my W and I can't eventually have an OUTSTANDING M -but in the real world it takes work.)

I really understand that feeling - your spouse dreaming along about perfection and completely ignoring reality...

However, please don't let it get in the way of your own work. You can complain about the unfairness of being compared with a fantasy all day long (I know) and it won't get you anywhere. Remember that OM can't compare to the fantasy either - no one can. Do the work on yourself. Everyone has room for improvement, so do it - for yourself.

So given where you are at now, any ideas on how you will proceed from here? As mentioned in my prior post, my C is of the opinion that my W ought to eventually move out on her own, presumably as a sort of reality check amongst other reasons. BTW, has your W done any serious due diligence regarding the consequences of D that you are aware of? Despite all her affirmations of wanting to (eventually) D, my W hasn't done a damn thing in this regard. I know of course that would be part of rational thinking on the part of our almost-WAWs, but just curious.

I believe my W has also not done any due diligence, calculations etc - or really any work at all in the direction of D. She has asked me on several occasions to move out - in other words, asking me to do the work of leaving and of figuring out a way to make the finances of two households work, etc, leaving her whole in her current life and lifestyle. I politely declined, so here we still are in Limboland.

Again here, focus on yourself. Figure out what you need to be a whole, happy person - without needing your W or anyone else. Make the changes. If you do this, really do this, one of 3 things will happen: 1) your W will notice and come back. 2) You will realize that you are really happier without your W. You may actually become a WAS yourself - but not based on fantasy, based on a realistic view of the situation and your needs 3) Your W may leave you for this OM or another one. Remember, even if this OM drops her, she may just start looking for another. In this case, you will be strong, be able to move on, and be able to support your family through it.

You can't choose which outcome will happen - 1, 2, 3. In all 3 cases, working on yourself is the best thing to do.