It is her choice, I would make her fully aware that she is more than welcomed in "our" bed.
i would not recommend this at this point in time. theres gonna be enough arguing going on. been there done that and wish i didnt learn that lesson the hard way. SteveM
I am not so sure she will not contact and expose him to his wife, she is thinking about it, I would guess. In her mind she may be thinking, if she knew, she would leave him, and then he would come to me, and we would live happily ever after. Watch out.
I agree with Burt. I don't think it's a good sign. Something is brewing in her mind.
I am second this. She HATES this other wife. The question is was she in love with the other man or was he just something on the side.
not giving advice here, just posing a question; if she is planning on doing something to further F'up these families would it seem more appropriate that Neil does the exposing to the OM's wife?
I believe that she was truly in love with OM (or what she thought was love). She told me he made her feel smart, worthwile, etc.
But, I also believe that it is over and there has been no contact. OM's wife's best friend is a friend of my brothers. If the OM's wife finds out...everyone in my family and lots of friends will know too. I don't think that is the only reason there has been no contact, but I am pretty certain that this think is over.
My wife is mourning the loss of that relationship now.
My wife said that she disconnected from the marriage about 18 months ago, but has been too afraid of her financial insecurity to leave.
She told me tonight again that she is done. She is talking about ... "when we divorce" not if.
She asked her Mom who is a paralegal for referrals to divorce attorneys.
I am not sure if she will file for divorce or not. Should I start taking steps to protect myself financially...like opening a separate checking account and having my direct deposits go in there, retain an attorney, or anything else.
Or just keep going along and see what happens?
Me 38 / W 37 M 14 yrs S 11/S8 First Bomb: 3/6/2009 EA Second Bomb: 6/4/2009 PA Same House Separate Rooms
I am not so sure she will not contact and expose him to his wife, she is thinking about it, I would guess. In her mind she may be thinking, if she knew, she would leave him, and then he would come to me, and we would live happily ever after. Watch out.
I agree with Burt. I don't think it's a good sign. Something is brewing in her mind.
I am second this. She HATES this other wife. The question is was she in love with the other man or was he just something on the side.
not giving advice here, just posing a question; if she is planning on doing something to further F'up these families would it seem more appropriate that Neil does the exposing to the OM's wife?
I am not sure if she will file for divorce or not. Should I start taking steps to protect myself financially...like opening a separate checking account and having my direct deposits go in there, retain an attorney, or anything else.
Yes, yes and YES. This is normally routine advice I give ANYWAY, but in her current state, absolutely.
Someone above mentioned "script," and it is. But she also seems highly unstable to me right now. I wouldn't put anything past her.
If she threatens to hurt herself, call the cops. Seriously.
I through out the script because it sounded to me like she was taking notes from W conversations. Anytime she blames you for Everything, calls you names, you wre never there, etc.....it's All script we have all heard.
I through out the script because it sounded to me like she was taking notes from W conversations. Anytime she blames you for Everything, calls you names, you wre never there, etc.....it's All script we have all heard.
I agree, Shocked. It's the depth -- the AMPLITUDE -- of her reaction that stuns me. She's WAY over the top, in my opinion.
Could be some sort of mental illness, but I'm inclined to say it's just an over-the-top sense of ENTITLEMENT based on their prior marital history. This is a woman who is used to getting her way -- PERIOD -- and she does NOT react well to not being rescued!
You are right. Some history of mental illness (her Mom and Sis). W was diagnosed with depression years ago but seemed to come through it although she still has episodes of depression.
But the entitlement thing is more on point. She is used to getting whatever she wants and expects to be rescued. My fault for enabling it.
Can anyone enlighten me on the "script"?
Last edited by lowneil; 07/15/0901:42 AM.
Me 38 / W 37 M 14 yrs S 11/S8 First Bomb: 3/6/2009 EA Second Bomb: 6/4/2009 PA Same House Separate Rooms
"The script" just means that most affairs follow one of just a couple of basic scripts. Every wayward thinks THEIR relationship is "special," but the truth is they all are pretty much the same, and you can predict much of what is going to happen.
An example would be, if you decide to expose the affair, the cheating spouse will say "Well NOW you've blown ANY chance you had! I was GOING to give you a chance, but now you've BLOWN it!"
Another example would be the "re-writing of marital history," where the cheating spouse says they were NEVER happy in the marriage, never in love with you, even though you have years and years of great memories together, and scores of Valentine's and anniversary cards with notes that say just the opposite.
