Setting deadlines puts you under tremendous pressure because then you begin to measure everything by time and not by progress made. Just today I was saying that it has been x months and intially I had this date in my head by which I hoped things would be resolved OR ELSE. But then I realized that there was lots of progress in my sitch compared to where it was a few months ago. While deadlines are useful for goals, in cases like these, you must pay great attention to progress and growth not only magical dates. How have you grown? How is your sitch different? Even an incremental difference is a difference that is measurable.
The pressure of others wanting you to feel better can also be great. If you let it. They want the best for you but you also have to focus inward. Take what they say out of the equation. What do you want? What can you tolerate? What are you equipped to handle? Break it down into manageable parts. Most days I am chipper but on the days that I can't be as friendly as I should be to H I am just quiet. I don't put any pressure on myself to be "up". This is WORK in a sense and it can tire you out so you have to recharge your batteries. Be as kind to yourself as you would be to your H (or a friend). That is why time is a gift and not a curse. Clarity does come with time.
While people WANT you to feel better, this is a traumatic experience. We are NOT victims but we are human and must allow ourselves time to work through feelings (not wallow but work through). People are unrealistic when they think that you should be over something by x date. It doesn't work that way. If you short circuit the process, the pain or feelings will surface at a later date.
If you sounded unethusiastic, well so be it. Sometimes we feel unenthusiatic. As I said, you can't be constantly "up". Is this bad DB? LOL.
You said that your fear is getting in the way. Shine the light on your fear. What is the worst that can happen? Will you still be alive and capable of moving on and living life? Yes you will. When you confront fear it will shrink. Don't run from it. ( I am sounding new agey again!!).As I said earlier, pick fear to pieces and then you can deal with it.
I think that you are doing well, sweetie. You are young and away from your family and you are getting through this:). You want to give it more time. Give it more time. Is there an expiry date on this? While you give it more time live,laugh and love. Don't put your life on hold. Don't keep your eyes on your sitch 24/7 because you will second guess everything. Turn on some music and dance. Paint your nails green. Whatever. It is YOUR life and make sure that you live it well.